Thundarr The Barbarian & The Kronos Stone
by Thundarr The Barbarian
Summary: A Thundarr/Xena/Hercules Crossover, with a little Frank Miller's 300 thrown in for good measure. Thundarr, Ariel, and Ookla chase the defeated wizard Vashtar to Greece. When they catch up to him, he hurls them back through time to Ancient Sparta. Now Thundarr & his friends must find The Kronos Stone in order to return home. Along the way they make some new friends . . . and enemies
1. Chapter 1

**Thundarr The Barbarian**

**And**

**The Kronos Stone**

**Chapter One**

In the year 1994, from out of space comes a runaway planet, hurtling between The Earth and The moon, unleashing cosmic destruction. Man's civilization is cast in ruin. Two thousand years later, Earth is reborn. A strange new world rises from the old. A world of Savagery, super science, and sorcery.

A great wooden ship cuts through the choppy waters of the sea as it sails at a tremendous pace. Men run about the deck, working the rigging with all their strength and skill. Standing at the helm is a large, burly man with a thick brown beard and piercing blue eyes, his ragged clothing those worn by sea captains from years past. His name is Captain Willows.

Standing next to him is a large and muscular man, dressed in the furs of a barbarian. His blonde hair is the colour of wheat, his eyes as blue as the sky on a clear spring day. His furs are thick and brown, perhaps from a bear or similar animal. He wears the tooth of a great carnivorous beast about his neck on a leather thong, and thick leather bracers on his wrists. Attached to one bracer is a golden sword hilt. His name is Thundarr.

Next to him is a beautiful and shapely woman. Her hair is long and thick, and black as a raven's wing. Her olive skin and almond eyes mark her as being of Asian descent. She wears a light blue leotard with gold trim, and gold coloured boots which come up nearly to her knees. Her wrists also are clad in golden bracers, and she wears a gold circlet about her head. She is Thundarr's friend and companion, Princess Ariel, a sorceress.

Leaning over the gunwhale is a large leonine humanoid. He stands perhaps 8' tall. His body is covered in a sleek, tan coloured fur, not unlike that of a cougar or mountain lion. His head is covered in a thick mane of golden hair, like that of a lion. He wears a simple loincloth and boots of black animal hide. He is a mok, one of a race of leonine people who combine the traits of lions and men in much the same way minotaurs of ancient Greek legends combined the features of men and bulls. His name is Ookla, and he is Thundarr's and Ariel's nearest and dearest friend.

"I don't think Ookla has found his sea legs yet!" Captain Willows says to Thundarr, shouting to be heard over the wind.

"Moks aren't very fond of water," replies Thundarr. He then walks over to his large hairy friend.

"Take heart, Ookla," says Thundarr, "We make great time. Our sea voyage will soon be at its end and we will once again be standing on solid ground."

Ookla growls something to Thundarr in his bestial tongue, to which the barbarian has a hearty laugh.

"What?" asks Ariel, "What did he say?"

"He says 'Not soon enough'!" Thundarr translates for his human friends.

The others all laugh at Ookla's remark.

"We will be there sooner than expected, thanks to Ariel's sorcery!" shouts Captain Willows.

"It's the least I could do," says Ariel, her hands glowing yellow as she magically fills the ships sails with wind, "After all, you were nice enough to grant us passage."

"Nonsense," replies Captain Willows, "There's not a sailor aboard this vessel that doesn't owe the three of you his life, myself included. If ever you need our aid, all you need do is ask."

Princess Ariel nodded, for she knew well to what Captain Willows was referring. Years ago, Thundarr, Ariel, and Ookla had joined Captain Willows on his ship in an effort to rescue another ship caught in a storm in The Mystery Zone. Their efforts were thwarted by a giant sea serpent, summoned by the evil witch, Circe. Once the rescue ship had wrecked upon the shores of the island which was once the grand city of London, the witch turned Captain Willows and his crew into toad creatures under her control. Thundarr, Ariel, and Ookla eventually defeated the witch. The curse which had kept her trapped on her island for so many centuries had turned her to stone. Once Circe was defeated, Ariel was able to find Captain Willows and his crew and counteract the witch's spell. They then found the shipwrecked victims who had washed up on the islands shores over the centuries, all turned to stone by Circe's magic, and returned them to flesh and blood. Then with the help of Ariel's magic, and the ship building skills of the many veteran sailors who were once again among the living, they managed to use the bits and pieces of wrecked ships which littered the shores to build a vessel seaworthy enough to get them all back to the mainland.

Since that time, Captain Willows had acquired a new ship. One much larger and faster than his old boat. Many of the shipwrecked sailors that had been rescued had been petrified for decades, some of them even centuries, and no longer had any families to return to. Thus they elected to stay on with the Captain as new additions to his crew. _The Siren's Song _is now one of the most celebrated ships sailing the oceans today.

"When do you think we'll see land, Captain?" asks Thundarr.

"By the time the sun sets I should think!" replies the captain, "By dawn at the latest!"

"Will we be there in time to catch up to the wizard?" asks the barbarian.

"I don't know!" admits Captain Willows, "It depends on how much of a lead he has on us, and how fast his ship travels! Is he really that great of a threat?"

"If we can reach him before he gets his powers back, he's no more of a threat than any common brigand!" explains Thundarr, "But if he regains his magical powers, he's a danger to us all!"

Thundarr is referring to the vanquished wizard, Vashtar. Thundarr, Ariel, and Ookla teamed up with three women who were prophecized to bring about Vashtar's defeat. One was an Element Shifter named Maya, who was capable of assuming the form of any element, solid, liquid, or gas. The next was a female barbarian named Sinda, who fought with a magical staff which amplified her strength tenfold. The last was a fashion model from twentieth century Old Earth named Valerie Storm, who had accidentally developed the powers of sprouting angelic wings for flight, and shooting energy beams from her eyes, when Vashtar tried to destroy her with his magic. The three of them managed to combine their powers and destroy Vashtar's power source, the Gem Of Glory. Without that, he became just a plain and simple human.

Desperate to regain his lost powers, Vashtar had searched high and low for a new power source. Now he travels across the seas to search through ruins which were ancient when the world was young, seeking a power source rumored to be even greater than The Gem Of Glory. News of his search had reached the ears of Thundarr and his companions. Thus they took up the chase. And Captain Willows and his crew were only too happy to lend a helping hand.

As the setting sun touches the horizon, the lookout up in the crow's nest calls out an alert.

"Ship ahoy, Captain!" shouts the lookout, "Dead ahead!"

Captain Willows gives the wheel over to the helmsman and takes out his spyglass. He looks to where the lookout had indicated, and sure enough there was a ship. Not much of a ship, mind you. Compared to The Siren's Song, it was a rickety old tub. It appeared to be anchored just off the shore of a landmass. Scurrying about the ships deck was her crew.

"Sea rats!" hisses Captain Willows in disgust.

Thundarr takes up the captain's spyglass and looks through it. "Goundlings!" he exclaims, "I didn't know they could sail!"

"Makes sense I suppose!" says Ariel, "Rats have always been a pest aboard ships!"

"How long can you keep our sails full of wind?" Captain Willows asks Ariel.

"How long do you need?" she replies.

"Until we're plank to plank with her!"

"Consider it done!"

"Thundarr!" says Captain Willows, "You and Ookla go below decks and ready your mounts!"

"We should stay with Ariel and keep her safe!" argues the barbarian, and Ookla howls in agreement.

"My men and I will keep her safe!" says Willows, "You need to be ready to head after this wizard of yours. I'm guessing those groundlings were left behind as a diversion, to slow you down."

"Are you sure?"

"Trust me, my friend!" says the captain, "My men and I can handle a bunch of groundlings!"

"Do as he says, Thundarr!" shouts Ariel, "I'm a big girl and can take care of myself!"

"Very well," says Thundarr, "Come Ookla! We prepare our mounts!"

As the barbarian and the mok head into the cargo hold to prepare their mounts to take up the chase after Vashtar, they hear Captain Willows bellowing orders to his men.

"Ready your cutlasses boys! Break out the battle axes! Batten down the hatches! Make straight for those rat faced bastards! Ramming Speed!"

"Ramming speed?" says Thundarr.

"Ramming speed?!" exclaims Ariel, somewhat alarmed.

"Trust me!" says Captain Willows.

Thundarr and Ookla go below decks and ready their mounts. Thundarr prepares his white stallion and Princess Ariel's chestnut mare. Meanwhile, Ookla prepares his equart for the hard ride ahead. They listen to the sounds of the crew running to and fro above deck, waiting for a signal that the ships are about to collide.

Up above, Princess Ariel is throwing gust after gust of magical wind into the sails. _The Siren's Song_ picks up a remarkable amount of speed, and is rapidly closing the distance between themselves and the groundling's ship. The groundlings appear to be desperately trying to raise their anchor and their sails and turn their ship about. Unfortunately for them, in their panicked state they cannot coordinate their efforts and are tripping over one another. _The Siren's Song _flies at them with a speed once only matched by motor boats.

"Brace yourselves lads!" cries the captain, "Prepare for impact!"

The crew all grab hold of the ships rigging, masts, and gunwhale. Down below, Thundarr and Ookla hear the command and grab hold of the support beams in the ships hull. The two vessels collide with a mighty crash. The groundling's smaller and ill kept vessel splinters under the impact of the larger and better designed frigate. When _The Siren's Song_ comes to a halt, the only thing keeping the groundling's ship afloat is the fact that it has lodged itself onto _The Siren Song_'s prow.

"Let's give 'em what for, boys!" cries Captain Willows.

The crew of _The Siren's Song_ storm the decks of the groundling's ship, cutlass and ax in hand. Princess Ariel clears their path for them with her spells, blasting groundlings overboard. She waves her hand at the doors of the cargo hold, opening them with her magic. Thundarr and Ookla ride their mounts up onto the deck, then jump over the gunwhale and onto the deck of the groundling's wrecked ship. Ariel leaps onto her mare as it gallops past and follows her friends. Thundarr takes the golden sword hilt off of his bracer, and with a mere thought ignites the blade of his famed Sunsword. Groundlings come running at him, their simple wooden clubs held high to attack. Thundarr's Sunsword cuts through these simple wooden weapons with ease, sending the ratlike creatures running in fear.

Ookla takes out his mighty bow, and fires one, two, three stun arrows in rapid succession. Each arrow strikes a groundling, rendering it unconscious. A groundling leaps at Ookla from its ships mast, but the mok simply catches it with one mighty clawed hand and hurls it overboard.

Princess Ariel joins her friends, and creates a magical bridge which runs from the crippled ship to the shore.

"Shall we be going?" she asks.

"What of the groundlings?" asks Thundarr.

"My men and I can handle the groundlings!" says Captain Willows, "You just worry about stopping that wizard of yours!"

"We'll see you soon, old friend!" Thundarr says to the captain, "Fight well!" Then the barbarian turns to his companions and shouts "ARIEL! OOKLA! RIIIIDE!"

The three of them race their mounts towards Ariel's magic bridge at a full gallop. A group of groundlings step between the oncoming trio and the bridge in an attempt to stop them. Princess Ariel scatters them with a blast of her magic. The three friends ride their mounts across the bridge. Once they've reached dry ground, Ariel dispels the bridge. As luck would have it, some of the groundlings had tried to give chase across the bridge. And as the bridge dissipates beneath their feet, the groundlings are dumped into the cold water. Thundarr, Ariel and Ookla don't even stop to watch the spectacle. They just ride their horses down the valley that leads away from the shore, the most logical path Vashtar could have taken.

As they ride their mounts further up the valley, they come upon an ancient bronze statue of a warrior wearing a plumed helmet and carrying a spear and a shield. Thundarr reigns his stallion to a halt, and the others follow suit. They dismount, and Thundarr and Ookla begin checking the ground for evidence that Vashtar had come this way. Princess Ariel, having no real skill at tracking, elects to investigate the bronze statue instead. She clears away much of the moss and debris that covers the base of the statue, revealing a bronze plaque with Greek lettering engraved upon it. Thundarr and Ookla come over and look over her shoulder at the writing on the plaque.

"That sign," says Thundarr, "What does it mean?"

"It says, '_Come And Take Them_!'" replies Ariel as she reads the plaque out lout to her friends.

"That writing," remarks Thundarr, "It looks different from the words written back home."

"That's because it's written in Greek," Ariel explains, "This is a statue of King Leonidas of Sparta. We must be in the pass of Thermopylae. I read about it in my stepfather's library."

"Thurrr . . . mop . . . ah . . . leeee?"

"A great battle took place here, thousands of years ago. King Xerxes of Persia came here seeking to conquer all of Greece. The first Greek kingdom to stand in his way was Sparta, whose soldiers were renown as the mightiest warriors of their day. In order to give his wife, Queen Gorgo, time to mobilize Sparta's army and seek reinforcements from neighboring kingdoms, King Leonidas marched here with three hundred of his best warriors to hold Xerxes' army at bay. When Xerxes demanded that King Leonidas and his men lay down their weapons, he replied . . ."

"Come and take them," says Thundarr, guessing the quote. Ariel nods her head in agreement.

"So Xerxes' army attacked," she says, continuing her story, "Three hundred Spartan soldiers stood their ground against one million Persian troops."

"And a million is more than three hundred?" Thundarr asks, for as a barbarian his mathematics skills are limited to his number of fingers and toes.

"Far more," Ariel confirms, "Enough for the Persian army to march down this valley, shoulder to shoulder, taking up the entire valley floor for as far as the eye can see."

"And these Spartans fought against such odds?" Thundarr asks.

"Not just fought," says Ariel, "But for three days and three nights, King Leonidas and his three hundred Spartans endured wave after wave of attacks by the Persians. It was not until the morning of the fourth day that they fell, and only because they were betrayed by one of their own. A Spartan showed the Persians a secret path to allow them to surround the three hundred Spartans. With the Persians coming only from the front, King Leonidas and his men could have held out for many more days. As it was, they were slaughtered like cattle. Still, for every Spartan who fell during those three days, he took at least a hundred Persians with him. And King Leonidas succeeded in what he set out to do. For by the time Xerxes and his army reached the gates of Sparta, they found ten thousand Spartan soldiers waiting for him on the battlefield, and another fifty thousand reinforcements from the neighboring kingdoms of Athens and Marathon. After the heavy toll spent battling only three hundred Spartans, the thought of battling ten thousand made many of Xerxes' soldiers lose heart. And a demoralized army is a defeated army."

"A noble sacrifice indeed," agrees Thundarr, more than a little impressed by the tale, "It reminds me of what you told me about The Alamo."

"Their stories are very similar, yes." agrees Ariel, "Though this battle took place over two thousand years before The Alamo was ever built."

Ookla begins howling at his two friends.

"Ookla is right," says Thundarr, "We shouldn't delay any longer. We've found Vashtar's trail, and must catch him before he finds the power that he seeks."

"Agreed," says Ariel.

The three of them mount their steeds and ride off after Vashtar. After much hard riding they come upon a set of ancient ruins. They slow their mounts to a slow walk as they guide them through the rubble strewn streets. Stone columns litter the streets, and weeds and plants grow up between the broken cobble stones. Thundarr's superior tracking skills allow the barbarian to spot faint signs of recent passage. And when signs are scarce, Ookla's superior sense of smell leads the way. The trail eventually leads them to a great stone building, crumbling and falling apart.

"What is this place?" asks Thundarr.

"This building was once a temple to Zeus, king of the Greek Gods," says Ariel, "I believe these ruins are all that's left of the kingdom of Sparta."

Suddenly, from inside the temple, comes a great crash as if something large and heavy has fallen and shattered on the floor.

"Demon dogs!" cries Thundarr as he grabs his Sunsword and ignites the blade, "Ariel! Ookla! Into Battle!"

He spurs his stallion forward at a gallop. Ookla follows close behind on his equart, composite bow and stun arrow at the ready. Princess Ariel brings up the rear, one hand grasping her mare's reigns, the other held high, glowing in magical radiance. At the back of the temple is a set of stairs, leading down into a tomb. Thundarr rides his mount down the steps, Ookla and Ariel following close behind.

There, in the tomb, they find Vashtar. He stands behind a great stone sarcophagus, the lid laying shattered on the floor, and is drinking from a golden chalice. The wizard's body glows with an unearthly energy, the likes of which neither Thundarr nor his friends had ever seen before. Vashtar sees the three of them standing there and laughs as he crushes the chalice in his hand with ease.

"You are too late, _barbarian_!" says the wizard, "I am now more powerful than ever!"

"We'll see about that, Vashtar!" replies Ariel, and she fires a powerful magical blast right at the wizard.

Vashtar simply raises his hand and blocks the spell. He doesn't even deflect it, but rather appears to absorb the magical energy of Ariel's sorcery. Ookla howls in rage and fires a stun arrow at Vashtar. The projectile disintegrates just inches away from Vashtar's body, the wizard making no move to dodge or even block it. Thundarr's stallion rears up on its hind legs.

"Test your might against the Sunsword, wizard!" he cries as he charges his foe.

"Fool!" replies Vashtar, "I am no longer a mere wizard! I! Am! A! _GOD!_"

And with that he unleashes a wave of magical power, catching all three companions in its wake. The barbarian, the sorceress, and the mok all vanish, along with their mounts. The demigod, Vashtar, then vanishes himself, leaving only the echo of his evil laugh behind in the darkened tomb.

Thundarr, Ariel, and Ookla, were not destroyed in that magical attack, however. They are lying unconscious on the cold marble floor. And several pairs of sandled feet are now gathering around them.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Thundarr's eyes begin to flutter open. His head feels as though he had been trading punches with a mok. He's unsure of how long he had been out for. When his senses begin to clear, he realizes that he has been locked in irons and is in fact being carried by several very strong men. He cannot see their faces, only their feet as they walk along a marble floor. They wear sandals on their soles, and bronze shin guards on their legs. Finally they stop, and Thundarr is dropped unceremoniously onto the floor.

Thundarr pushes himself up to his knees. He sees that he is kneeling in front of a marble dais, on which sits an iron throne. Sitting in the throne is a boy, no more than maybe thirteen years old. He wears a toga of high quality wool, though not extravagant in design. Standing just off to the side of the throne is a woman who is perhaps in her thirties. She wears a fine quality dress, and has a regal bearing about her. The throne is surrounded by men in red cloaks, with bronze helmets on their heads and shin guards on their legs. Each has a sword belted to his hip, and a bronze shield strapped to his arm. Each carries a heavy bronze tipped spear to go with his shield. Thundarr recognizes the design of the weapons and armor as being the same as those worn by the bronze statue that Princess Ariel had shown him. A moment later, another of these bronze covered soldiers enters the room, with Princess Ariel slung over his shoulder. He drops her down next to Thundarr. Her hands and feet are also bound in heavy irons.

"Are you alright?" Thundarr asks her.

"I'll be alright," replies Ariel, "Once this pounding in my head ceases."

"_Who are you_?" demands the boy on the throne.

"What did he just say?" asks Thundarr.

"He's speaking Greek," says Ariel, "He wants to know who we are."

"_Answer me_!" says the boy, "_Who are you_?"

"_My sincerest apologies_," replies Ariel in the Greek tongue, "_My companion does not speak Greek. I must translate for him. My name is Princess Ariel. My friend here is named Thundarr_."

"_Princess? Of what kingdom_?"

"_Of a kingdom from far across the sea, where no Greek has set foot, nor is likely to for a thousand years._"

"What are you telling him?" asks Thundarr, not appreciating being left out of the conversation.

"I've just told him our names and that we come from a far away land. Now be quiet and let me do the talking."

"_If no Greek has set foot on your land, how is it you speak our language?_"

"_Others from our land have set foot on Greek soil, and have brought knowledge of your culture home with them_."

"_Home to Persia_!" shouts the boy accusingly.

"_We are no Persians_," replies Ariel Calmly.

"_Then why did you bring your pet demons to defile my father's tomb_?" demands the boy, "_Why desecrate such a holy place_?"

"What is it?" asks Thundarr, "What is he saying?"

"He's accusing us of desecrating his father's tomb, and of consorting with demons."

"Demons? What demons?"

"I think he means Ookla."

"_Speak Greek woman_!" demands the boy.

"_I beg your pardon, King Pleistarchus_," says Ariel, "_I was merely translating your words to my friend_."

"_You know of me_?" he asks

"_And of your father, King Leonidas_," she replies, "_Word of your father's noble sacrifice has reached even the shores of my kingdom. You have both my condolences, and my respect_."

"_I need neither when they come from Xerxes' whores!_"

"What's going on?" demands Thundarr, "What is he saying?"

"I think I know what happened," Ariel replies, "Vashtar sent us back in time. We're in Sparta sometime after their war with Persia. The boy is Pleistarchus, Leonidas's son and now king of Sparta. I'm pretty sure the woman with him is his mother, Queen Gorgo. We must tread carefully. Their war with Persia had cost them dearly, and they're very suspicious of strangers."

"_What are you two babbling about_?" demands Pleistarchus.

"_I beg your pardon, Sire_," says Ariel, "_I was merely explaining to my companion what the current situation is_."

"_The current situation, is that you two are to be executed as Persian spied, and your monsters' heads will decorate my wall_!"

"_Please, Sire, is there no way for us to prove that we are not spies_?"

"_I don't give foreign spies a chance to undermine my kingdom's defenses!_" says Pleistarchus, "_I am a strong king! Like my father before me!_"

"_Your father was a strong king, my son_" says Queen Gorgo, "_But he was also a good king. He would not suffer any insult from a foreigner, but neither was he ever unnecessarily cruel. These people have shown us no hostility. Would you so dishonor your father's memory by rewarding them with death_?"

"_Mother, I am king! It is my word which is law_!"

"_I do not deny that to be so, my son. But your father often sought my advice in matters of state. I offer you advice only. The decision is still yours_."

"_I beg your pardon, Sire_," says Ariel, "_But if I may ask, do you know why your father sacrificed himself at Thermopylae?_"

"_To keep Sparta from falling into the hands of a tyrant, of course_," replies King Pleistarchus.

"_And how do you think he would feel now, if he knew that he had failed. That Sparta has fallen into tyranny, and that the tyrant is his very son._"

"_You foreign bitch!_" he yells, "_How dare you speak to me so_!"

"_Yet she speaks the truth, my son_." Queen Gorgo interjects, "_You have not shown them one tenth of the wisdom or honor that your father had taught you._"

"_Very well_," says King Pleistarchus, "_If you desire a trial, then you shall have one. Your brutish friend there shall endure the Trial Of Blood_. _Should he fail, your life shall be forfeit_."

"_And if he succeeds_?"

"_You're free to go_."

"_What of our friend, Ookla_?" asks Ariel, "_The large hairy creature we were traveling with_?"

"_If he succeeds, the beast shall be set free_," concedes the king.

"_What is this, Trial By Blood_?"

"_A fight to the death,_" says the king, "_Against a champion of my choosing_."

"By The Lords Of Light, what is going on woman?" demands Thundarr.

"We're being given a chance to prove ourselves to the king," Ariel replies.

"Excellent! How?"

"A fight to the death with one of his soldiers."

"Fair enough," he says, "When?"

"_My companion would like to know when the fight is to take place_," Ariel asks the young king.

"_Tomorrow at dawn_," he replies, "_Take this time to make peace with whatever gods you pray to._"

"_Tell your champion to do the same_," she shoots back.

"_Take them away_!"

Several Spartan soldiers grab Thundarr and Ariel and begin dragging them away.

"What is it? Asks Thundarr, "What's happening?"

"Get yourself some rest, my friend," Ariel tells him, "In the morning you're going to have to try and earn our freedom."

"How?"

"By fighting one of these Spartans in a duel to the death."

Before Thundarr can respond, the two of them are separated. The night seems pass far too quickly for Thundarr. His concern over the safety of his friends makes sleep next to impossible. And it seems as though the second he's about to doze off, he is awaken by Spartan guards sent to collect him. He is taken to the Spartan training grounds. There he sees Princess Ariel, also bound in irons. His friend Ookla is also there, heavily bound to a stone column with iron chains so thick, even Ookla's great strength is unlikely to break them.

The training area is now completely surrounded by Spartan soldiers, waiting to watch the upcoming spectacle. Sitting on a stone bench, watching as Thundarr is lead before him, is young King Pleistarchus. Standing right behind the young king is his mother, Queen Gorgo. Standing in the center or the training circle is a grizzled veteran Spartan warrior. His bare chest and arms bear the scars of countless battles. A long scar runs down the left side of his face, from forehead to jaw. His left eye is covered by a leather eye patch. Thundarr is lead over to Ariel and Ookla, where the soldiers remove the irons from his wrists and ankles. Then they present him with Spartan sword, shield, spear, and helmet.

"I would prefer if they would return my Sunsword to me," says Thundarr as he inspects his provided weapons for damage.

"Not a good idea," Ariel replies, "This is meant to be a test of skill and courage. If you pass, you will earn the Spartan's trust. The use of an enchanted sword capable of cutting through their best weapons and armor with as much effort as swinging the sword through the air would simply add to their distrust."

Thundarr draws the Spartan sword from its sheath and inspects the blade. The steel edge is razor sharp, and the blades design is for hacking off limbs and heads. He sheathes the blade and buckles it around his waist. Then he picks up the spear and tests its weight and balance. It's heavier than most spears, designed more for thrusting than throwing. Though it is very well balanced and in fact could be thrown, although it would take a very strong arm to do so.

"I have not wielded a spear since my father took me hunting as a child," the barbarian remarks.

"Well I hope you haven't forgotten how to use it," says Ariel, "Spartans consider their swords and spears to be extensions of themselves."

"We shall see," says Thundarr as he begins to walk towards his opponent.

"You forgot your helmet and shield!" cries Ariel.

"Those are the tools of a coward," replies Thundarr, "If this be a test of my courage, than let them see the strength of my heart."

"In the hands of a Spartan, a shield is just as deadly as a spear or a sword," Ariel tells him, "You would be wise not to leave it behind."

"Very well," concedes the barbarian, and he heads back to retrieve the shield."

"And the helmet?" Ariel asks as she helps him slip his arm through the shield's leather straps.

"In all my battles as a gladiator in your step-father's coliseum, I had never worn a helmet," Thundarr tells her, "They limit my vision. I must see clearly to avoid getting hit."

"We seem to be very fortunate in the boy's choice of champions," says Ariel, "Unless I miss my guess, I'd say your opponent is General Dimios, the only Spartan to survive the battle at Thermopylae."

"I thought you said every Spartan who fought that day was slaughtered?"

"They were. The legends say that the day before the final battle, when Leonidas had learned of his countryman's betrayal, he sent the injured Dimios back to Sparta so that the story of their courage and their sacrifice would not die with them."

"And as you are able to tell me these tales four thousand years later, he obviously did. But I still don't see how that makes us fortunate. He still looks fairly formidable."

"His skills have not diminished, of that you can be certain. But he lost his eye at Thermopylae. He has no depth perception, and no peripheral sight on his left side."

"So . . ."

"So keep your distance. When you attack, attack from your right side. And whenever possible, aim for his good eye. Even Spartans need to see in order to fight."

"_Enough stalling_!" shouts the king, "_Begin_!"

"Let me guess . . ." says Thundarr.

"It's time," agrees Ariel. Just as Thundarr is about to turn and face his opponent, Ariel wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him hard on the lips. "For luck," she says. She then lets him go

"Females," grumbles the barbarian as he walks to the center of the training circle.

General Dimios stands there, watching as Thundarr approaches. He sees that the barbarian moves with the grace of a hunting cat. He is obviously strong, and he has the air of a warrior about him. Dimios also notes that he seems uncomfortable carrying the shield. Likely he doesn't use one in battle. He also notes that the barbarian had neglected to wear neither the bronze helmet nor the shin guards the king had provided for him. Dimios is unsure as to whether this makes the barbarian incredibly brave, or profoundly stupid. Silently he prays to Zeus that should he fall today, that it will be a beautiful death.

As Thundarr comes to within spear range of the Spartan general, Dimios puts his helmet on and takes up his spear. He raises the weapon into the air and begins to chant "Ah-roo! Ah-roo! Ah-roo!"

The Spartan soldiers that had gathered to watch the fight take up the chant, banging their spears against their shields in time to their battle cry. Thundarr just glares at the Spartan, blocking out all distractions and focusing all of his energy on his opponent. Dimios gives Thundarr a slight nod of approval. This barbarian is unusually disciplined in battle, and should prove to be a worthy opponent.

Thundarr strikes first, thrusting his spear right at Dimios's good eye. The general brings his shield up to block, then strikes back with a spear thrust aimed at Thundarr's chest. The barbarian also manages to block the attack with his shield. Thundarr counters by swinging his spear like a sword, aiming for the general's head. As Ariel had predicted, the lack of peripheral vision cost the Spartan, and he took the hit solidly on the side of the head. Only his helmet kept him from becoming badly injured.

Thundarr reverses his grip on the shaft of the spear and charges Dimios, his spear held high to drive down into his opponent's body. But as Ariel had warned him, Spartans fight with their shields as well as their spears and swords. Dimios slams his shield into Thundarr's chest, lifting the barbarian off the ground and throwing him down onto his back. He then thrusts his spear at Thundarr's face. Fate was with Thundarr then, for another of Ariel's predictions comes true. Due to his lack of depth perception, Dimios's thrust comes up short. He manages a deep gash on Thundarr's cheek, nothing more. As Dimios readies his spear for another strike and steps closer to ensure a kill shot, Thundarr grabs his own spear and thrusts the butt of the shaft into the general's groin.

Dimios drops his spear and stumbles away, clutching his bruised testes as he attempts to recover from the low blow. Thundarr, meanwhile, regains his feet. He takes up his spear and charges at the Spartan. In a spectacular series of moves, Dimios blocks the spear with his shield, draws his sword, cuts the shaft of Thundarr's spear in two, then slashes at Thundarr's face. Had that last attack connected, Thundarr's skull would have been split like a melon. However the barbarian managed to get his shield up to block the attack, then countered by thrusting the butt of his now ruined spear into the Spartan's good eye.

Dimios staggers back, pushing his helmet off of his head so that he might rub his injured eye. Thundarr takes this opportunity to throw away his broken spear shaft and draw his own sword. He raises the blade and charges at the Spartan.

"Yaaaaa-heeee!" cries Thundarr.

Dimios gets his shield up to block, then counters with a sword thrust. Thundarr parries that with his own sword, then shield punches Dimios. The general staggers back, but then goes right back on the offensive. Seconds seem like minutes and minutes seem like hours as these two battle each other with a ferocity and skill even the veteran Spartans have rarely seen. Thundarr manages to drive Dimios's shield arm out wide. Instead of going for the obvious thrust to the ribs, which would have ended the fight then and there, Thundarr slashes the leather straps binding the bronze shield to the general's arm. The shield falls to the general's feet. Thundarr thrusts his blade towards Dimios's exposed chest, but the Spartan parries the strike with his own sword.

Thundarr charges at Dimios with his sword held high, ready to attack. Dimios ducks down low, beneath Thundarr's shield, drives his shoulder into the barbarian's gut, then stands up straight, throwing Thundarr up over his shoulder to land flat on his back. The air leaves Thundarr's lungs as he hits the ground hard. He looks up to see Dimios bringing his sword down, the blade cutting straight towards Thundarr's head. Luckily the barbarian had managed to keep his grip on his sword and got the blade in position to block at the last possible second. As Thundarr attempts to roll away, Dimios steps on his shield to prevent him from going anywhere. The Spartan stabs downward again, a strike which is once more parried by Thundarr's blade. This time the general's sword cuts a deep gash in the shoulder of the barbarian's shield arm. Thundarr slashes Dimios across the thigh, forcing a break.

Thundarr quickly regains his feet. The wound to his shoulder makes wielding the heavy bronze shield far more difficult, so he lets the thing slide off his arm. Dimios steps back and surveys his opponent once more. He bears his pain well, notices the general, and shows no fear of death. Were it not for his barbarian furs and strange manner of speaking, he would almost swear that this man were from Sparta. Thundarr stares at his opponent, sharing very similar thoughts. Were it not for the fact that this General Dimios was born more than four thousand years before Thundarr had taken his first breath, they could be of the same tribe.

After their moment of mutual silent reflection and admiration, the two warriors charge ahead and clash one more. Steel clashes against steel as each slash and thrust is anticipated and parried. Sweaty bodies duck and dodge metal blades, as not every strike gets blocked. Thundarr lands a solid left handed punch right in Dimios's good eye. Dimios manages to drive his knee up into Thundarr's gut. Thundarr drives the pommel of his sword into the gash on Dimios's thigh. Dimios grabs Thundarr's injured shoulder and digs his thumb into the wound. Thundarr swings his sword at Dimios in a downward chop, only to have his sword arm caught by the wrist. Dimios tries to thrust his own sword into Thundarr's gut, but the barbarian grabs Dimios by the forearm. The two combatants stand there, pressing into one another, not relenting, not giving an inch.

Thundarr reals his head back and slams his forehead into the bridge of Dimios's nose. As the general is staggered, Thundarr drives his knee into the general's forearm, forcing him to drop his sword. He then punches out with the hilt of his own sword, catching the Spartan right on the temple of his blind side. Thundarr takes a moment to pick his spot, then charges at the Spartan with his sword poised to strike.

"Yaaaaa-heee!" he cries.

Then in a surprise move, the Spartan leaps straight up into the air, tucks his knees into his chest, then extends his legs out horizontally, catching Thundarr square in the face with both feet, in what one could best describe as the first standing dropkick in wrestling history. Both Spartan and barbarian come crashing down to the ground. General Dimios runs up to Thundarr and kicks the sword from the barbarian's grasp. As he moves to retrieve a weapon himself, Thundarr grabs the Spartan's legs and throws him to the dirt in a double leg take down. Now all sense of decorum is thrown out the window. Thundarr and Dimios are now rolling around in the dirt, punching and kicking, clawing and scratching, biting and gouging.

Dimios manages to gain the advantage over Thundarr. He gets on top of the barbarian and starts pummeling him about the face. He's practically fighting blind, for Thundarr's repeated attacks on his one good eye had caused it to be swollen almost shut He looks about and spots one of the discarded swords not far away. He stops his attacks on Thundarr to try and retrieve it. Thundarr takes this momentary lapse in the action to haul off and punch Dimios in the groin. The barbarian's punch lacks much of its usual strength, for he's lying on his back, but it's enough to keep the general from crawling to the sword for a moment. Thundarr rolls over in the opposite direction that Dimios was headed and grabs the general's spear. He pulls himself up onto his feet. When he looks over, he sees that Dimios is once again crawling for the sword. Thundarr gets a running start and kicks the general in the ribs before he can reach it. He rolls the Spartan over onto his back, steps on his throat, then places the tip of the spear against the general's heart. Breathing heavily, Thundarr looks over at the young king.

King Pleistarchus stands up, rather shocked that this barbarian had bested his general. General Dimios turns his head and looks his king in the eye. Pleistarchus gives the general a nod. Dimios looks back up at Thundarr, then lifts his chin with pride. The young king holds out his hand, and gives Thundarr a downward thumb. Thundarr looks down at Dimios, then at Princess Ariel, then back to the king. He then takes his foot off of the Spartan's neck, steps back, and then breaks the shaft of the spear over his knee.

"Ariel!" cries Thundarr, "Tell the king, that Thundarr The Barbarian does not kill unarmed men! Not even if they're enemies!"

Princess Ariel relays this message to the king, shouting it loud enough for all to hear. Then Thundarr steps towards General Dimios and offers him his hand.

"And tell him that Thundarr is no enemy of Sparta!"

Again, Ariel relays the message. Now all the Spartan soldiers who had gathered for the fight begin banging their spears against their shields and chanting "Ah-roo! Ah-roo! Ah-roo!"

General Dimios smiles and grasps Thundarr's forearm. The barbarian pulls the Spartan to his feet, where they remain clasping forearms as brothers in arms. Then Dimios takes Thundarr's wrist and raises his arm in victory. King Pleistarchus stands there, watching this and unsure as to what to do next. Queen Gorgo comes over and places a gentle hand on her son's shoulder.

"_The stranger has fought with courage and skill_," she says, "_And has shown compassion and mercy. Tell me, my son. How shall you reward such a man_?"

"_The strangers shall be set free_!" the king cries out for all to hear, "_Guards! Remove their chains! They are to be our guests here in Sparta, for as long as they wish to remain with us!_"

"_Even the beast_?" asks one of the guards.

"_Even the beast,_" insists the king.

Spartan soldiers run forward and begin to remove the irons from Ariel's wrists and ankles. Others begin to unchain Ookla from the column. They appear nervous while they do so, obviously unsure of the wisdom in setting so fearsome looking a creature free. Thundarr and General Dimios limp over to the princess and the mok, their arms over one another's shoulders as though they were old friends.

"Is all well?" asks Thundarr.

As if in answer, Ookla slips out of his few remaining chains, rushes over to the barbarian, then scoops him up in a great bear hug. Thundarr laughs and winces at the same time. Right after a battle is not the best time to rough house with a mok. Then Ookla puts his friend down and hugs Ariel as well. General Dimios watches all this with an amused grin, as he begins to understand how badly they had misjudged these three. King Pleistarchus walks up to the three friends.

"_I would like to apologize for any mistreatment you may have suffered_," he says, "_Please, accept my invitation to join my mother and I for dinner. You can tell me more of where you're from, and how you came to be in Sparta._"

"We kindly accept, Your Highness," replies Ariel with a bow.

"What did he say?" asks Thundarr

"He asked us to join him for dinner. I told him we'd accept."

"Ask him if we can get our weapons back."

"_Your Highness_," she says to the king, "_My friends had some belongings with them. A bow, and a golden sword hilt. They would like them back, if you please_."

"_They shall be awaiting you when you arrive in the guest chambers of my palace,_" he replies.

"He says we'll get them back at the palace," she translates.

The three friends are lead to the king's royal palace. They are taken to a luxurious room, with a soft bed, fur rugs, and a warm fireplace. As promised, Thundarr's Sunsword and Ookla's composite mok bow are sitting on a table waiting for them. There is also a large copper bathtub. Servants are already filling the tub with hot water. Princess Ariel helps Thundarr over to the tub. She undresses him, then helps him climb into the steaming water. She gets undressed herself and climbs in with him, then proceeds to help him wash away the dirt, and to clean his wounds. Once they've done bathing, she helps him out of the water and treats his wounds. Their hosts had provided them with bandages and herbal poultices to treat them with. Ariel uses her magic instead, sealing up the cuts and speeding their healing. Once they're both cleaned up and Thundarr's wounds had been tended to, they climb into bed for a brief nap, for one finds sleeping difficult in a Spartan dungeon.

Hours later, Thundarr and Ariel are awakened by a knock at the door. Sleepily, Princess Ariel goes to the door and opens it a crack. There is a pair of servants standing in the hall, each of them holding a bundle of clothes.

"_It is nearly time for dinner_," says one of the servants, "_Queen Gorgo asks that you and your man wear these, with her compliments._"

Princess Ariel takes the offered clothes and closes the door. One bundle is a beautiful gown of simple yet elegant design, likely from the queen's own wardrobe. The other is a man's toga, the type most Spartan citizens wear. She hands the toga to Thundarr.

"What am I supposed to do with this?" asks the barbarian.

"Wear it to dinner," replies Ariel.

"I would rather wear my furs."

"Thundarr, you just barely won us our freedom. Do you really want to insult our hosts by refusing their gifts?"

"I suppose not," he replies. He takes a look at the toga, "It looks like a dress!" he complains.

"It's not a dress, it's a toga. It's the traditional garb of ancient Greece."

Thundarr shrugs his shoulders and tries the thing on. Ariel helps him, making sure that he wears it correctly. She ties a belt around his waist then stands back and admires her handy work.

"There," she says, "Now you look like a Greek hero."

"Maybe," replies Thundarr, "But I feel like an idiot."

Princess Ariel laughs, then puts on the gown that Queen Gorgo had provided for her. She brushes the knots and tangles out of her long black hair when there's another knock at the door. This time Thundarr answers it. The servants have returned to fetch them for dinner.

"Ariel, Ookla.," he says, "Come, we dine."

The three of them are lead to the Royal Dining Hall. At the head of a great banquet table sits the young king. On his right sits his mother, Queen Gorgo. On his left sits General Dimios. Next to the queen and the general are several empty chairs. The rest of the seats are taken up by Spartan officers and counsel men. They all stand respectfully as the three guests of honor enter the dining hall.

"_My friends_," says King Pleistarchus, "_Welcome. Please, join us_."

"_You are most generous, Your Highness,_" replies Ariel.

"What did he say?" whispers Thundarr.

"He bids us welcome and asks that we sit with him."

"Did he not already ask us to sit with him?"

"It's just proper etiquette with royalty, in many different cultures. Don't question it, just smile and nod."

Thundarr does as she suggests. They go over to join their hosts at the dinner table. Thundarr and Ookla sit next to the general, while Princess Ariel sits next to the queen. There are some nervous grumblings among many of the other guests, mostly the counsel members.

"What are they saying?" asks Thundarr.

"They're afraid Ookla's going to eat them," laughs Ariel.

This elicits a chuckle from Ookla, which makes the counsel men even more nervous.

"_What's he doing_?" asks King Pleistarchus, indicating Ookla.

"_He thinks it's funny that your guests believe he's going to eat them_," explains Ariel, "_Moks are actually very gentle natured creatures who revere sentient life. They loathe the taking of life unless it's absolutely necessary. That is why Ookla's quiver is loaded with Stun Arrows._"

"Now what are you saying?" asks Thundarr.

"You know, I'm beginning to understand how you must feel having to translate for Ookla all the time."

"_What did he say_?" asks the king.

"This is getting tiresome," groans Ariel. Then to King Pleistarchus she says, "_Sire, I would like to do something to help speed up communication. With your and the queen's permission of course_."

"_If it speeds things up, then you have my permission. I have many questions to ask of you_."

"_Please do not be alarmed by this_." says Ariel, "_I assure you, I mean you all no harm_."

She places her fingers on her temples, closes her eyes, and concentrates. Her head begins to glow in yellow energy, startling the nearby Spartans. Then twin beams of yellow magic shoot forth from her forehead and strike both Thundarr and Ookla in their heads. They glow with the same mystical yellow energy for a moment, then Princess Ariel breaks the spell.

"What the Hell was that?" asks the king.

"A simple spell of translation," replies Ariel, "It's not harmful, I assure you."

"You are a witch!" cries the king.

"Watch your tongue boy!" shouts Thundarr, "Ariel is no witch! She is a sorceress! And her magic has done more good in this world than a thousand swords!"

"Thundarr, calm yourself," says Ariel peacefully, "I knew my using magic might cause such a reaction. That is why I didn't cast the spell right away." Then she turns to the king and says, "That is also why I asked your permission before casting the spell."

"She did ask, my son," says Queen Gorgo, ever the diplomat, "And you did grant it to her."

"Lords of Light!" exclaims Thundarr, "You're all speaking common!"

"No Thundarr," explains Ariel, "You hear Common, and when you speak they hear Greek. It's far easier than me translating all the time."

Ookla howls something in his bestial tongue.

"Your hairy friend still sounds like a wild beast," says General Dimios.

"The spell has its limitations," says Ariel, "One must be physically capable of speaking a language in order for it to translate it. Moks can learn to understand human languages, but not imitate them. So for as long as the spell lasts, when you speak in Greek, he hears Common. But he cannot speak human."

"Well now," says the king, "Now that that is settled, everyone sit. Eat. Enjoy yourselves."

Everyone does as ordered. Plates are piled high with food of all kinds. Roast duck, suckling pig, fresh baked bread, roasted potatoes, bowls of fresh fruits, cheeses, all there for the taking. Everyone helps themselves to whatever they want.

"So, Princess," says King Pleistarchus, "Tell me. Just where is it that you are from? And how is it you found yourself in my father's tomb?"

"What I told you before about being from across the sea is true," begins Ariel, "But our home isn't so much a 'where' as it is a 'when'."

"When?"

"Yes. You see, Thundarr, Ookla, and I are from the future. Roughly forty five hundred years in the future to be exact, give or take a few centuries."

"Really? How did you come to be here? Now, in my time?"

"Magic," says Thundarr, "We were chasing an evil wizard. We had defeated him before, stripped him of his powers. He sought to reclaim his powers. He found a new source for power in your father's tomb. By the time we had caught up to him, he had already drank from a golden chalice. Then he cast a spell and sent us back in time."

"Why would he just send you back in time?" asks Dimios, "Why not just slay you?"

"I think he wasn't ready for the level of power he had achieved," says Ariel, "It will take time for him to master. But once he does, he will be more dangerous than ever."

"If what this wizard drank is what I think it is," says Queen Gorgo, "Then he is more dangerous than you realize."

"Why?" asks Thundarr, "What was in that cup?"

"Unless I miss my guess, Ambrosia."

"Ambrosia?" says Ariel.

"What's Ambrosia?" asks Thundarr.

"The food of the gods," explains Ariel, "Legend has it that any mortal who consumes it, becomes a god himself."

"Right before sending us back in time, didn't Vashtar say . . .?"

"That he's no longer just a wizard. He is a god."

"I guess he wasn't exaggerating," says Thundarr.

"So now we have two problems, my friend," says Ariel, "One, how do we get back to our own time."

"And two," adds Thundarr, "How do you fight a god?"

"Not just fight," Ariel corrects him, "Defeat."

"I do not know about defeating a god," says Queen Gorgo, "But I know of something that could help you get home. The Kronos Stone."

"Of course!" says Ariel, "Why didn't I think of that! The Kronos Stone is said to have the power to manipulate time!"

"You can travel forward or back, whatever your heart desires," confirms the queen, "Only thing is, I do not know where it can be found."

"We may not know where it can be found," says King Pleistarchus, "But I know who probably does."

"Who?" asks Thundarr.

"Hercules," says the king.

"Hercules?" says Ariel, "He's alive?" He's real?"

"As real as you or I," confirms the king.

"Who is Hercules?" asks Thundarr.

"Who is Hercules?" says Dimios, "My friend, he is only the greatest hero of all of Greece! The son of Zeus, King Of The Gods himself! The strongest man the world has ever known!"

"And good friend to Sparta," adds King Pleistarchus, "It is said that Zeus had sired the very first Spartans himself, making Hercules a distant cousin."

"A fine suggestion, my son," says Queen Gorgo, "You should seek out Hercules. If any in Greece will have the answers you seek, it will be him."

"Where can we find this Hercules?" asks Thundarr.

"That, I'm afraid, poses a problem," admits Queen Gorgo, "You see, ever since his wife and children were murdered in their beds by his stepmother Hera, he has been wandering Greece helping those in need."

"That sounds familiar," says Ariel with a grin.

"I'm to understand he travels mainly by foot, accompanied by his friend Iolaus." adds the queen.

"The Golden Hunter?" says Ariel.

"You've heard of them?" asks Thundarr.

"I read about them in my stepfather's library," she says, "The stories of his exploits are mostly considered to be myths and legends. It appears that some of those legends are true."

"Where should we begin our search?" asks Thundarr, "I get the impression Greece is no small place."

"There is a major temple to Aphrodite, The Goddess Of Love, in Athens," suggests Dimios, "I understand that she is one of the few members of his family that he is on good terms with. You can travel there and ask her priests. If you are very lucky, she may even make an appearance herself."

"Athens it is then," says Thundarr.

"In the meantime," says King Pleistarchus, "Enjoy the hospitality of Sparta. You may stay here with us for as long as you desire."

"A fine and generous offer," says Thundarr, "But I'm afraid we must decline. We have a long road ahead of us, and should not delay any longer."

"Of course," agrees Queen Gorgo, "Your quest is a noble one, and we wouldn't want your world to be conquered by a mad wizard with the powers of a god. At least stay the night. The day grows long and you won't get far before you have to make camp. We will ensure you get an early start, and provide you with fresh provisions."

"An excellent compromise, Highness," says Princess Ariel.

"It's agreed then!" says the king, "You shall spend the night in Sparta, then continue on your quest at dawn."

Thundarr, Ariel, and Ookla enjoy an excellent meal with their hosts. The young king, while easily insulted, is quite the generous host when he has learned to trust his guests. He still has much to learn about diplomacy, but his mother seems to be an excellent tutor. As soon as they get back to their room, Thundarr immediately strips out of his borrowed toga.

"Got an itch?" asks Ariel.

"Yes," says Thundarr, "All over. I don't understand how these Spartans can wear such garments."

Princess Ariel sighs. Apparently double entendres were wasted on Thundarr. The barbarian stands by the window and stares out at the night sky. Ariel comes up next to him and sees what he's looking at. The moon is full and bright this night . . . and whole.

"All of my life the moon has been split in two like an egg at breakfast," says Thundarr, "I never realized how magnificent it was before that happened. How magical."

"I've seen pictures in books," admits Ariel, "But they hardly do the real thing justice." She slips her arms around Thundarr's waist, "Come on, let's get to bed."

"Yes," says Thundarr, "We have a long ride ahead of us tomorrow."

Thundarr walks over to the bed ans slips under the covers. Princess Ariel slips out of her borrowed gown and slides in next to the barbarian. By the time she has gotten under the covers, Thundarr is sound asleep, snoring like a tribe of moks.

"Typical," groans the sorceress.

She rests her head on Thundarr's broad, muscular chest and lets the steady beating of his heart lull her to sleep. The next morning they awake with the rising sun. They quickly dress in their own clothes, then meet the king and queen for breakfast. After a quick meal of fresh fruit, cheese, and bread, the three companions are lead to the stables where their mounts are waiting for them. The horses had been equipped with fine leather saddles, and saddlebags filled with provisions. Unfortunately, they could not find a saddle to fit Ookla's equart, though they did manage to strap some bedrolls onto its back. The animals reins are General Dimios himself, also looking forward to seeing his friends off. Thundarr walks right up to the general.

"Fare well, my friend," says the barbarian, "With you leading Sparta's defenses, I'm sure no army will conquer you."

"Thank you, my friend, and safe journey," replies Dimios, "I have little doubt you will find a way home, and a way to defeat the wizard-god Vashtar."

The two warriors clasp forearms for a moment, in a warrior's symbol of respect. Then Dimios unfastens his swordbelt and hands it over to Thundarr.

"Here," he says, "Take my sword. It has seen me to victory through many battles."

"No, I couldn't possibly . . . "Thundarr protests.

"I insist," says Dimios, "I cannot in good conscience let you go out on your noble quest armed with only an ornamental sword hilt."

Thundarr throws his head back and laughs hard and loud. "Ornamental sword hilt?" he says, then removes the Sunsword from his bracer and ignites the blade, holding it high for all to see. "I wield The Sunsword! The most powerful weapon on Earth! In my time, or in yours!"

Then Thundarr brings the Sunsword down, slicing a stone cleanly in two in a demonstration of the blade's power. Thundarr extinguishes the Sunsword's fiery blade with but a thought, then replaces it on his bracer.

"It will do the same to bronze, steel, and flesh," promises the barbarian.

"I believe you," says the general, "Then take my sword a a memento, a reminder of your time with us here in Sparta."

"I have my battle scars to remind me of that," says Thundarr, "But I shall accept your generous gift none the less."

Thundarr then walks up to the king and places a friendly hand upon his young shoulder. "I only wish Vashtar had sent us back to a time before the Persian invasion," he says, "that I might have joined him at Thermopylae. Together, we might have won the day."

"With that magical sword of yours," says the king, "I am almost certain of it."

Thundarr walks over to his white stallion and mounts up. Princess Ariel then stands before the young King Pleistarchus. "I wish that you could stay," says the King, "I'm still a very young king, and will be needing a bride very soon."

"I'm flattered," says Ariel.

"Think about it," says the king, "Ariel, Queen Of Sparta. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

Ariel laughs, then glances back at Thundarr, who is on his horse scowling in her direction. Apparently he had heard their conversation and was none too pleased by what he heard. Ariel then turns to face Queen Gorgo, who had not missed the silent exchange between Thundarr and Ariel. She gives Princess Ariel a warm hug goodbye.

"If you cannot make it home," she whispers in Ariel's ear, "And the words you long to hear never leave the barbarian's lips, consider my son's offer. There are worse things to be than the Queen Of Sparta."

Ariel steps back and gives Gorgo a silent nod of appreciation. Then she goes over to the horses and mounts her mare. Ookla then walks up to King Pleistarchus and Queen Gorgo. He kneels down before them, so as not to tower over their heads. Then he wraps them in a great big, friendly, bear hug. Well, friendly to a mok at least. To these two humans, they feel as though the life were being squeezed out of them. Ookla then sets the two royal leaders of Sparta down, joins his friends, and mounts his equart.

Thundarr rears his white stallion up on its hind legs, waving to their new found friends. Then he begins galloping away towards where he had been told Athens lies.

"ARIEL! OOKLA! RIIIIIDE!"

Ariel and Ookla also wave a quick goodbye to their Spartan friends. Then they spur their mounts into a gallop and follow the barbarian to the Greek city.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Somewhere midway between Athens and Sparta travel three companions. One of them, leading a tan coloured mare by the reins, is a woman of striking beauty. She's tall, standing nearly 6', with long black hair as dark as night, and piercing blue eyes. She wears a suit of custom leather armor, with strategically placed bronze plating. She wears a sword strapped to her back, and has a chakram hanging off her belt at the hip. Her name is Xena, a warrior princess forged in the heat of battle.

Walking next to her is a young blonde woman. Her hair is the colour of spun gold, her eyes a deep brown. She wears the garments of an Amazon warrior, and carries with her a wooden staff. One end of the staff is carved into the shape of a dragon's head. She is Gabrielle, The Battling Bard Of Potidaea. Once a simple farm girl, she chose to take to the road and join Xena on her many adventures, and writing of those adventures in her scrolls for the enjoyment of future generations.

Walking several steps ahead of the two ladies is a man decked out in the trappings of a warrior. He wears bronze armor and a helmet, has a dagger tucked into each boot, a sword hanging from one hip and a hand ax hanging from the other. Slung across his back is a heavy double bladed battle ax and a crossbow with a quiver of crossbow bolts. Unfortunately, his gangly frame, narrow chin, and pointed nose make him look more like a court jester than a mighty warrior. His name is Joxer. The son of a powerful warlord with delusions of grandeur about being a mighty hero. He has even written his own theme song, which he sings with great conviction.

"He's Joxer The Mighty

He's very tidy

Everybody loves him

He's so handsome it's a sin . . ."

"Joxer!" shouts Gabrielle, "Can you _please _stop singing that damned song?"

"But my enemies must know that I'm on my way!" he replies, "So they can make their peace with Hades before I send them for their ride across the River Styx!"

"The only one who's going to be crossing the River Styx is _you_ if you don't _knock it off_!" she shouts back.

"He's Joxer The Mighty

He roams through the countryside

He never needs a place to hide

With Gabby his little sidekick

Fighting with her little stick

Righting wrongs and singing so-ngs

Being mighty all day lo-ng

He's Jox-er! Joxer The Might-y!"

"By the gods, Xena," growls Gabrielle, "I swear if he doesn't knock that off I'm going to kill him horribly!"

"Oh Gabrielle, it's not that bad," says Xena.

"That's easy for you to say," replies Gabrielle, "You're not the one he's calling his 'little sidekick'."

"Fighting with her little stick," sings Xena.

"Don't you dare start!"

"You have to admit, it's a catchy tune," says Xena, clearly enjoying the game.

"He's Joxer The Mighty

He's very tidy . . ."

"Oh no," says Gabrielle, "He's starting over again from the beginning! Isn't there some kind of nerve pinch you can do to make him lose his voice? Even for a little while?"

"There is," Xena admits, "But I hesitate to use it."

"Why?"

"It has certain . . . side effects."

"What side effects could possibly be worse than listening to Joxer singing for hours on end?"

"Flatulence."

"Oh . . . Eewww!"

"Exactly," says Xena, "Remember that time he joined us in that underground labyrinth after having beans with onions and rice for lunch?"

"Ugh! I had never smelled anything that disgusting that wasn't dead!"

"I know. It must have taken a weeks worth of baths to wash the smell out of our hair."

"And I had to burn my clothes."

"Do you really want to go through _that_ again?"

" . . . With Gabby his little sidekick

Fighting with her little stick . . ."

"You know Xena," says Gabrielle, "We're not in an underground labyrinth now. If we keep our distance and stay upwind of him . . ."

Xena laughs, "If he gets really annoying, I'll consider it." she says.

"He's Joxer The Mighty

He's very tidy

Everybody likes him

He's so handsome it's a sin . . ."

"Well you better decide soon," says Gabrielle, "I swear, if it means getting some peace and quiet I'd risk Hera's wrath and give old Zeus a roll in the hay if he'd just hit Joxer with a lightning bolt to shut him up."

Just then a man falls from the sky, landing right on top of Joxer and knocking him prone into a mud puddle. Joxer's face is now buried in the mud, air bubbles rise to the surface of the water as he tries to breathe.

"Be careful what you wish for," says Xena as she runs over to help Joxer and this stranger who fell from the sky.

"That wasn't a lightning bolt!" replies Gabrielle as she runs to catch up, "That doesn't count!"

The two of them each grab one of the man's arms and lift him up off of Joxer. As soon as he's no longer being pinned down, Joxer pushes himself up out of the muddy water and takes in a deep breath of air. Gabrielle lets Xena help keep the stranger standing upright as she goes to help Joxer get up out of the mud.

"What happened to you?" Xena asks the stranger.

"Thrown . . ." the man gasps, "Monster . . . attacked . . . children. H . . . Help . . . "

The man then collapses in Xena's arms. She carries him off of the road and lays him down on the grass. She then listens carefully to the sounds around her. She detects the faint sounds of battle coming from the distance, through the woods, just off the road. She turns to her companions.

"Gabrielle, you come with me! Joxer, you stay here with Argo and look after this man!"

"No way, Xena!" says Joxer, "You're gonna need me!"

"Joxer!" says Gabrielle, "For once in your life, do as you're told!"

Joxer watches as Xena and Gabrielle run towards the battle. He waits for a moment after they disappear into the trees, then he draws his sword and follows them. After a few minutes of running through the woods, Xena and Gabrielle come upon a clearing. There they find a creature the likes of which they had never seen before. I kind of looks like a minotaur, except with the head of a lion instead of that of a bull. He's fighting a bunch of farmers from a nearby village, who are wielding pitchforks, scythes, wood axes, and whatever they can get their hands on to use as weapons.

Oddly, the monster seems to be holding back against these villagers. Xena can sense the raw power of this creature. Its teeth and claws can obviously easily rend flesh from bone if given the opportunity. Yet the creature simply bats the villagers away. _Perhaps as a cat toys with a mouse?_ wonders Xena. Even more curious, there are two humans fighting alongside the creature. A blonde haired barbarian wielding a sword with a blade of magical flame, and a woman wearing very little, who appears to hail from the land of Chin. Bolts of energy shoot forth from her hands, striking villagers and knocking them from their feet. Oddly, these two also seem to be holding back. The barbarian's fiery blade cuts through the villagers' makeshift weapons with ease, and will likely do the same to the villagers, yet he aims only for their weapons.

"What is that?" asks Gabrielle.

"I don't know," admits Xena, "But one will get you ten that those two are controlling it. I'll take out the one with the sword, you take on the witch."

"The monster is mine!" cries Joxer as he runs past them, sword held high.

"Joxer!" Gabrielle shouts after him.

"Come on," says Xena, "Before he gets himself killed."

Xena and Gabrielle sprint after their reckless friend. The creature sees Joxer coming and steps forward to meet him head on. Joxer bravely charges forward, screaming like a madman with every step. Just as he's about to get within arm's reach of the monster, it takes a deep breath, leans forward so that its head is level with Joxer's, and lets out a mighty roar in the young man's face. Joxer's eyes roll into the back of his head and he collapses into unconsciousness.

A villager thrusts his pitchfork at the barbarian, only to have the tines cut away by his fiery blade. Another villager swings a wood ax at the barbarian's head, but the fiery blade cuts through the ax handle like it were made of papyrus. Another farmer attacks the barbarian with a scythe. The fiery blade of the barbarian cuts through the steel blade of the scythe in one slash, then another slash cuts through the wooden handle. Another villager charges the barbarian, wielding a piece of firewood as a club. The barbarian kicks the villager in the chest, knocking him to the ground.

"Back to your homes! Or taste Thundarr's wrath!"

"Iyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyyiyiyi yiyiyi!" cries Xena as she leaps in between Thundarr and the villagers.

"Lucky me," she says, "I've got a big appetite!"

"Thundarr The Barbarian does not fight women," he says.

"Good," says Xena, and she kicks Thundarr's sword from his grasp, "Just makes things easier for me."

"Of course," says Thundarr, "There's always a first time!"

He swings his fist at Xena's face. She blocks it and hits Thundarr with a counter punch. She kicks out at him, but he catches her foot, then swings her about and throws her to the ground. Xena tumbles acrobatically and comes up to her feet. She smiles as she realizes that this Thundarr person, despite his chauvinistic attitude, was actually going to be quite the challenge. Xena _likes_ a challenge.

Gabrielle uses her staff to pole vault between the sorceress and the villagers. She stands there with her staff held ready. The sorceress readies her hands, which glow with magical energy.

"leave these people alone!" demands Gabrielle.

"Tell them," replies the sorceress, "We don't want a fight."

"Then your pet monster shouldn't have tried eating their children!"

Gabrielle goes on a wild offensive, swinging her staff at the sorceress from every possible angle. The sorceress blocks several of these attacks by conjuring magical shields. Gabrielle's attacks come too swiftly and at too many different angles, seemingly at random, for her to block them all. She begins ducking and dodging whatever attacks she can't block. So much of her concentration is spent on blocking and dodging Gabrielle's attacks that she can't even cast any spells to counter the attacks, or speak in her defense.

Xena and Thundarr charge right at each other, their fists flying. In an exchange of rapid fire punches, blocks, and counter punches, neither warrior can get through the others defenses. Xena is impressed. She had fought barbarians many times in the past, both as a warlord and as a hero. They're usually very strong, but undisciplined fighters. This one has more than just strength. He has speed, cunning, and has learned martial discipline.

A villager charges at the creature with a pitchfork aimed at its chest. The creature grabs the makeshift weapon by the shaft, stopping the villager dead in his tracks. The beast grabs the villager by the neck and lifts him up, then throws him into the gathered mob, knocking several of them down. It takes the pitchfork in its massive paws and snaps it in half like a twig. At about this time, Joxer regains consciousness. He gets to his feet and shakes his head vigorously to clear the cobwebs. He picks up his helmet and puts it on his head, then turns around and finds himself staring eyeball to pectoral with the monster. It grabs him by the shoulder with one hand, places its other hand on top of Joxer's head, then pushes down on his helmet, forcing it down over his eyes.

"Hey!" cries Joxer, "Who turned out the lights?"

The creature then turns Joxer around to face the villagers. Joxer feels a large, hairy, clawed hand reach down the back of his pants.

"Oh no," he says, "Not this. Please . . ."

The beast grabs a handful of underwear and pulls up, lifting Joxer high up off the ground. Then he throws the delusional young man, sending him flying head first into the village mob. Several of the gathered mob fall under Joxer's weight as he crashes into them. The creature pumps its fist in the air, as though its actually enjoying itself, like this is all some sort of game.

"Will you just stop and listen to me?" cries the sorceress, "We are not your enemies!"

Gabrielle leaps up over the sorceress's head, doing an impressive mid-air somersault, and in one fluid motion, lands gently on her feet right behind her, and thrusts the head of her staff into the sorceress's back. The sorceress drops to her hands and knees, and Gabrielle whirls her staff up above her head and brings it down upon the woman's back. As she tries to push herself back up, Gabrielle, jabs the head of her staff into the back of the sorceress's skull, rendering her unconscious. Almost as soon as the staff impacts upon the woman's skull, Gabrielle hears a great, angry, bestial roar. She turn and sees the great hairy monster that the sorceress was protecting come charging straight for her, howling in rage.

"Oh . . . crap," says Gabrielle, "XENA!"

Xena and Thundarr are still trading blows when Xena sees over Thundarr's shoulder that the monster he's protecting is now about to attack Gabrielle. Tired of the delays, she does the one thing that brings every man to his knees. She hauls off and kicks him in the groin with such force she lifts him off his feet. Thundarr's blue eyes cross so far that his irises nearly disappear behind the bridge of his nose. He clutches his bruised manhood and falls to his knees. As he's kneeling before her, she drives her fingers into either side of Thundarr's neck. Despite the pain between his legs, he is suddenly aware of, and very concerned about, the feeling of pressure building within his skull.

"I have just cut off the flow of blood to your brain," Xena tells him, "You'll be dead in minutes unless I release you. Tell me, and tell me true, why are you attacking these poor villagers?"

"We attacked no one," replies Thundarr, "We were only defending ourselves."

"Then what is this I hear about your beast attacking children?"

"Ookla is no beast, and he attacked no children. He is a mok. A kind and noble race. Children were playing up in a tree not far from our camp. One of them fell and was injured. Ookla went to the child's aid when he heard her crying. She had never seen a mok before, and his appearance frightened her. The other children ran screaming to their homes. I suppose they described Ookla as a monster. They came to investigate, and then attacked us without letting us explain."

"Are you trying to say that that . . . thing . . . is friendly?"

"Kinder than many a human I've met. He would no more hurt a child than would any of those who came to the girl's defense."

Xena looks into the barbarian's blue eyes, so very much like her own. She had dealt with liars, killers, and cutthroats for most of her adult life. She had learned to read a man's face to tell if he's lying. There is no lie behind this barbarian's eyes. Pride perhaps, stubbornness for certain, but no lies. Blood starts to trickle down Thundarr's nose as the pressure in his brain begins to reach critical levels. With not a moment to spare, Xena thrusts her fingers into the sides of the barbarian's neck, releasing the flow of blood back into his brain. Thundarr nearly collapses in relief as the pressure in his skull subsides.

"EVERYONE STOP!" shouts Xena.

The villagers gathered about Ookla stop and look to see what Xena wants. Ookla has Gabrielle lifted above his head with one arm, his massive clawed hand clasped about her slender waist. He too looks towards The Warrior Princess. Xena points to the villagers.

"You people! Back off!" she demands as she walks towards the crowd.

The villagers back away from Ookla, though they do keep their weapons at the ready.

"You!" she says, pointing at Ookla, "Put my friend down! Gently!"

Ookla looks past Xena to Thundarr, who is just now getting up onto his feet. The barbarian looks to his friend and nods. He too is a pretty good judge of character, and he's pretty sure that this warrior woman was simply reacting to new of a child eating monster, and has no genuinely evil intentions. Ookla lowers Gabrielle to the ground and lets her go. The bard quickly retrieves her staff and moves to join Xena.

"You people!" she says, pointing at the villagers once more, "Go home! There's no danger here, except that which you've brought onto yourselves!"

"Are you siding with that . . . that thing?" asks one of the villagers incredulously.

"He has done no one any harm!" says Xena, "Except to those who sought to harm him!"

"He tried to eat our children!" shouts another villager.

"Really?" asks Xena, "And who among you have witnessed this atrocity? Anyone?"

"He is a monster!" cries another villager, "Look at him!"

"I see no monster!" replies the Warrior Princess, "All I see is a creature who is half man, half beast!"

"What else do you need? He is a monster and monsters should be destroyed!"

The village mob grumbles in agreement, though Xena can see that her words have gotten through to a few of them.

"Centaurs are half man, half beast!" she says, "Would you attack them as well? And what of satyrs? They're half man, half goat! Do they deserve to die as well?"

"Satyrs and centaurs don't have six inch fangs!" shouts a villager, "And they can talk!"

"Ookla talks just fine!" shouts Thundarr as he walks to stand next to Xena between Ookla and the mob, "If any of you ever bothered to listen!"

"So first you come to our aid, now you aid those who attacked us?" asks a farmer.

"I'm standing between you and a creature which doesn't deserve your hatred," says Xena, "Go home, now. If you want to continue to attack this poor creature, you're going to have to go through me."

"And me," says Gabrielle as she stands beside her friend.

Thundarr ignites the fiery blade of his Sunsword, "And me."

"And me," says Joxer as he stagger over to the others. His declaration would have been somewhat less comedic if his helmet wasn't still shoved down over his eyes. He bumps into Ookla, who grabs hold of the helmet and pulls it off of his head so that Joxer can see again. "thanks," he says.

The mob dissipates, grumbling as they all head back to their homes. Thundarr extinguishes the blade of his Sunsword with a thought and replaces it onto its bracer. He then goes to check on Princess Ariel. She's beginning to moan, but is not quite yet fully conscious. Xena quickly checks the wound.

"She'll have a fair sized bump on her head," she says, "And I certainly don't envy her the headache she will have when she wakes. But she'll live."

Thundarr scoops Ariel up in his arms. "I thank you for your help," he says, "but I will take it from here."

"Look, we're sorry about the misunderstanding," says Xena, "We were reacting to news that a monster was attacking children. At least let me treat your friend's wounds. I'm a skilled healer."

"And a warrior?" asks Thundarr.

"I have many skills," she replies. "My name's Xena. They call me The Warrior Princess. This is my good friend Gabrielle."

"I'm a bard," she says, "And an Amazon. They call me The Battling Bard Of Potidaea."

"And I am known as Joxer The Mighty!" says Joxer proudly.

Ookla growls something in his bestial tongue, causing Thundarr to chuckle.

"Ookla wants to know, _Mighty what_?"

"You understood him?" asks Gabrielle in astonishment.

"Of course," replies Thundarr.

Ookla repeats his question.

"Joxer The Mighty what?"

"Pain in the butt," replies Gabrielle before Joxer can utter a syllable.

"Well, my name is Thundarr, and these are my friends, Ookla The Mok, and Princess Ariel, a sorceress."

"Let's get to your camp, then we can all learn each others life stories," says Xena, "Joxer, go get Argo would you?"

"Right," says Joxer as he walks off to do as he's asked, "_You_ take care of the beautiful princess,_ I_ take care of the horse. I've gotta find me some new friends."

Thundarr and Ookla lead Xena and Gabrielle to their camp, where they're soon joined by Joxer with Xena's horse. Xena mixes an herbal poultice to put on Ariel's bump, and brews her some camomile tea for her headache. The six of them share stories about their lives, with Thundarr having to translate for Ookla. Eventually, Thundarr and Ariel's tale comes to their journey to Greece, their confrontation with Vashtar in Leonidas's tomb, and their journey through time.

"So now we're seeking Hercules, in hopes that he can lead us to The Kronos Stone," says Princess Ariel, concluding her tale.

"Wow," says Gabrielle, "Forty five hundred years in the future."

"Give or take a few centuries," admits Ariel.

"Well," says Xena, "You guys are in luck. Hercules just happens to be a good friend of ours. And last we heard, he was in the area."

"Excellent!" says Thundarr, "Where is he?"

"We're not exactly sure," admits Gabrielle, "Like us, he travels around a lot."

"Maybe the people in that nearby village have heard something!" suggests Joxer.

"Great idea," says Xena, "Except for the fact that they don't happen to like us very much at the moment."

"Have you forgotten who you're talking to?" he says, "I'm Joxer The Mighty! Master in the art of diplomacy!" He gets up and puts his helmet on, "You guys wait here, I'll be right back." And he marches off towards the town. As he is leaving, they can hear him begin to sing.

"He's Joxer The Mighty

He's very tidy

Everybody likes him

He's So handsome it's a sin . . ."

"He's a dead man," says Gabrielle.

"He's right about one thing though," says Xena, "He has got the gift of gab. If anyone can talk that mob out of killing him, it would be Joxer."

Hours pass, and the night grows long. Yet Joxer still has not returned from the town. Xena is just beginning to consider going into town himself and looking for him when she hears a twig snap in the forest. She stands up, taking up her sword and chakram in readiness. Her sudden movement startles the others into action. Ookla takes up his bow and nocks a Stun Arrow. Thundarr takes up his Sunsword and ignites the blade. Gabrielle readies her staff, and Princess Ariel readies her spells. Again they hear movement in the forest. The woods are so dark they can't see anything beyond the light of their campfire.

"What is it?" asks Gabrielle.

"I can't tell," admits Xena.

"There!" says Ariel, pointing at a shape among the trees, "What is that?"

"It looks like a giant bird," says Thundarr.

As the creature gets closer, Xena gets a better look. She lowers her weapons and groans. "It's no bird," she tells them, "It's Joxer."

Joxer stumbles into camp. His entire body, his face, his hair, his armor, everything, is covered in white chicken feathers. Any part of his clothing, armor, or skin that is not covered with feathers, is covered in a thick layer of tar. The others do their best to hide their amusement, although not with a great deal of success. Joxer spits out a mouthful of feathers, and the others just burst out in hysterics.

"They were a little more angry at us than I had anticipated," he says.

Later, Joxer is sitting by the fire, wrapped in a towel as all of his clothes and armor are still covered in tar. Gabrielle is standing behind him, trying to pick the feathers out of his hair one by one. It's proving to be a difficult and time consuming endeavor. Princess Ariel comes over to lend a hand.

"Here, try this," she says as she digs her fingernails into the tar.

"What are you doing?" asks Joxer.

"Trust me," says Ariel, "I know what I'm doing. It's just like pealing a banana."

"What?" says Joxer. Ariel grabs hold of the tar matted hair and pulls. There's a loud ripping sound, followed by Joxer's high pitched, girlish scream.

Princess Ariel stands there with a long strip of tar matted hair in her hands, while Joxer is sitting on the log with a long bald strip of skin running down the center of his head. "Or waxing your legs," adds Ariel.

"Why didn't I think of that?" says Gabrielle, and she digs her fingers into the tar as well.

"What do you . . ." then Joxer screams again as the bard rips another strip of tar off of his head.

"Women really do this to their legs?" asks Gabrielle as she rips off yet another strip.

"In about two thousand years or so, yeah," replies Ariel, "Personally I prefer using magic to keep my legs silky smooth and hairless." She rips off another strip of tar, "It's less painful."

"Yeah, no sh . . . Aaaagghhh!" says Joxer as the ladies tear away even more strips of tar.

Finally, Gabrielle and Princess Ariel have pealed away all of the tar off of Joxer's head and face. Unfortunately for Joxer, they have also pealed away every hair from his head, including facial stubble and eyebrows. Joxer sits on a stump by the campfire, gingerly touching his bald head with his fingers and wincing with every touch.

"You know, if you keep playing with it it's never going to heal," says Xena

"I can't believe you ripped out all of my hair," Joxer replies.

"You're actually quite fortunate," Princess Ariel tells him.

"Yeah? How so?" he asks.

"The villagers didn't take the time to heat the tar to a boil," Ariel explains, "It was only hot enough to be made liquid. Had it been boiling, you would have lost your skin as well as your hair. Maybe even more."

"Boy," says Joxer, "Lucky me. Well, at least I managed to learn where Hercules is."

"You mean you actually found out?" asks Gabrielle, genuinely surprised.

"Sure," Joxer replies, "He passed through here not too long ago. He heard that bandits were going to go raid a mining colony not far from here. A silver mine. He went there to stop it."

"I know the place," says Xena, "If we leave at first light, and ride hard, we can be there before lunch."

"Then we should all take our rest," says Thundarr, "And be ready to ride with the dawn."

Everyone nods in agreement and gets ready for bed. Thankfully the night passes uneventfully. The next morning they have a quick, cold breakfast of fruit and bread. Xena and Gabrielle start saddling up the horses. Joxer stands by his gear wrapped in a blanket and looks over his clothes and armor. They're still covered in tar and have feathers stuck to them here and there.

"What's wrong?" Ariel asks him.

"I'll never get these cleaned," he replies, "I may as well buy all new ones once we get to the city."

"Oh, no need for that," says Ariel, and with a wave of her hand the tar and feathers evaporate.

"You mean to say you could have done that_ the whole time_?"

Princess Ariel just smiles and walks away.

"But I . . . You . . . Gabrielle . . . My . . ."

"Joxer!" Xena shouts at him, "Hurry up and get dressed! We're burning daylight!"

Joxer quickly dons his magically cleaned clothing and armor. By the time he's ready to go, the camp has been stricken and everyone was mounted up. Gabrielle was perched behind Xena on Argo. Joxer walks over to Princess Ariel and reaches up to her. She takes his hand and helps him up onto her mare.

"Grab hold of my hips," she tells him. Joxer grabs hold. "Ummm . . . Joxer?"

"Yes?"

"Those _aren't_ my hips!"

Joxer takes his hands off of her breasts. "Whoops, sorry," he says, "I thought you said something else."

Thundarr rears his white stallion up on its hind legs. "ARIEL! OOKLA! XENA! RIIIIDE!"

He spurs his horse into a gallop. Ookla howls something in his bestial tongue and follows on his equart. Xena quickly spurs Argo on to follow. Princess Ariel spurs her mare into action. It too rears up on its hind legs, surprising Joxer and causing him to tumble backward off of the horse. He flips over backward and lands face down in a big steaming pile of fresh horse manure. He looks up just in time to see Princess Ariel riding off to catch up with the others.

"Princess Ariel! Wait!" he cries as he gets to his feet and starts running after the others, "Thundarr! Ookla! Xena! WAIT!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

As promised, Xena leads Thundarr, Ariel, and Ookla to the mining town by noon. When they arrive, the town itself seems oddly deserted. They slow their mounts to a slow walk as they enter the town. Panting and gasping with exhaustion, Joxer comes jogging up to the group.

"Thanks . . . for . . . waiting . . . you . . . guys," he says as he tries to catch his breath.

Gabrielle sniffs the air and makes a sour face. She sniffs her arm pits. Then she sniffs Xena's hair. "What in Tartarus is that smell?" she asks.

"Don't . . . ask," says Joxer between gasps.

Xena moves Argo a little further away from Joxer. Princess Ariel can't help but grin. Joxer removes his helmet an wipes the sweat from his bald head.

"Where is everyone?" he asks.

Just then a chubby little man with graying brown hair and a full beard and mustache peeks his head out of the door of one of the houses. He sees Xena and Gabrielle and his face lights up. He steps out of the house and comes over to the six companions. He's wearing a purple toga and a blue cloak of fine materials.

"Xena! Gabrielle!" he exclaims, "How wonderful to see you again!"

"Salmonius?" says Xena, "What are you doing here?"

"Why, I'm the administrator of this facility," he says.

"The what?" asks Thundarr.

"I trade the silver on behalf of the miners and make sure they get the best price," he explains.

"Of which I'm sure you take a healthy cut," says Xena.

"A pittance," says Salmonius, "Believe me, the miners here are much wealthier since I started dealing on their behalf."

"Where is everybody?" asks Gabrielle.

"Down by the mine," Salmonius replies, "There was a bandit attack yesterday. Somehow during the fighting, the mine collapsed. Everyone's trying to dig it out."

"Is Hercules still here?"

"He and Iolaus are helping with the digging," says Salmonius, "The town's women and children all went down into the mine to leave the fighting to the menfolk. They've been trapped down there ever since."

"So what are we waiting for?" says Thundarr, "Ariel! Ookla! Xena! To the mine!" and he spurs his horse into a gallop. The others immediately follow his lead.

"Who the heck is that guy?" Salmonius asks Joxer.

"It's a long story," replies Joxer.

Salmonius starts sniffing the air. "What smells like manure?"

"Shut up."

Thundarr, Ariel, Ookla, Xena, and Gabrielle get to the silver mine, where they see the entire community working frantically to try and dig out those who are trapped inside. Xena and Gabrielle spot two figures right away who are very familiar. The first is a small, athletic man with golden blonde hair, wearing leather pants, boots, and a purple tunic. He is Iolaus, Hercules's best friend. The other is a much larger man, powerfully built, with long light brown hair, wearing leather pants, boots, and a tan tunic. He is Hercules, the son of Zeus and the most powerful man in the world. Iolaus is helping the villagers to clear away smaller stones from the cave in, while Hercules is trying to pull loose a half buried boulder that is far too large for any mortal man to lift.

"Lords Of Light!" exclaims Thundarr, "There's no way that man will be able to lift that stone."

"Don't be so sure, Thundarr," replies Xena, "That's Hercules."

"_That's_ Hercules?" says Thundarr in surprise, "Hmph, I thought he'd be bigger."

"He's big enough," says Xena, "_Trust_ me."

"Demigod or no, he needs help," says Thundarr, "he needs help. Ookla! See if you can help him free that stone."

Ookla nods his head and growls in agreement. He gets off his equart and strides towards the struggling Hercules. Villagers scatter in all directions as they see the mok approaching. Iolaus sees Ookla coming and his jaw drops, as does the heavy stone he's carrying.

"Um, Herc?" he says.

"Not now . . . Iolaus," grunts Hercules, "I'm busy."

"Uh, Hercules."

"I said . . . not . . . now."

"Hercules, I really think you need to see this."

Ookla steps up to the other side of the boulder that Hercules is trying to lift. He digs his claws into the side of the stone, then lifts it up. He and Hercules get it out of the mine entrance and toss it aside.

"Thanks for your help," says Hercules turning to speak to whoever helped him, then he stops and stares as he sees his helper for the first time, "Um . . . um . . ."

"His name is Ookla," says Thundarr as he gets off of his horse, "And he's a friend."

"They're all friends," says Xena, as she and Gabrielle dismount Argo, "Hello Hercules. Good to see you again."

"Xena!" cries Iolaus. He was so awe stricken by the sight of Ookla that he hadn't even noticed anyone else had arrived. "What are you doing here?"

"We came looking for you two, actually," she replies, "But first, it looks like you guys can use a little help."

"We can use all the help you can offer us," says Hercules.

"Our friends here are Thundarr, and that's Princess Ariel," she says, indicating the barbarian and the sorceress. "And you've already met Ookla. We've even brought Joxer with us."

"Well what are we waiting for?" says Iolaus, "Let's get to work!"

Everyone goes right back to digging out the mine. At first the villagers are very wary of Ookla, and give him a wide birth. Once they see how much he can lift, and that he shows no hostile intentions towards anyone, they begin feeling more comfortable around him. Princess Ariel is also a huge help, using her magic to lift far more stones than one woman would normally be able to carry at once, and far heavier ones as well. It doesn't take long before they break through and open up a hole in the top of the cave in.

"I'd better go in there and see if anyone needs medical assistance," says Gabrielle.

"No, it's too dangerous," argues Joxer, "Let me go."

"Joxer, I'm smaller than you. I can squeeze through there more easily. Besides, Xena's been teaching me her battlefield medical techniques."

"Look, without my armor I'm almost as skinny as you. And I know a thing or two about after battle medicine. I used to help my mom patch up my dad after he got home from a campaign."

"Hey, if you're trying to impress me or something . . ."

"Gabrielle, that mine is still very unstable. It could come crashing down at any second. Who would you rather be under there when that happens? Me or you?" Gabrielle just stares at Joxer in shock for a moment. "Besides," adds Joxer, "If I die, you won't have to listen to me sing anymore."

"Okay, go," she says, "But if you get killed, don't expect me to try and make any deals with Hades to get you back."

"Just be sure to write something nice about me in your scrolls."

"If you die in there, I'll be sure future generations know you died a hero," she tells him.

Joxer gives her an appreciative grin, then crawls through the cramped space into the mines. He finds the women and children who are trapped in there and lead them to the exit. He helps them crawl through the opening one by one, before finally crawling out himself. The second Joxer exits the mine, the opening collapses, sealing it off once again. Everyone cheers him and hails him as a hero. Even Xena and Thundarr give him pats on the back.

"Nice going, Joxer," Hercules congratulates him, "Well done."

"Thanks," Joxer replies.

"Yeah, nicely done," adds Iolaus, "Now maybe you should consider heading over to the animal trough and taking a bath."

"To wash off all this dirt?"

"No," Iolaus replies, "You smell like manure."

The group walks off laughing, leaving Joxer behind as the villagers all crowd around him to shake his hand and pat him on the back. They head over to the town's lone inn and tavern, where the inn keeper treats them all to free food and wine. Once they've been served, they start discussing the events of the past few days.

"So, why exactly have you guys been looking for me?" asks Hercules.

"Thundarr, Ookla, and I are from another time," explains Ariel, "Far into the future. We need the Kronos Stone to get us back to our own time. We were told that you could help us get it."

"I don't think the Kronos Stone will be much help to you," says Hercules, "I destroyed it."

"What?" exclaims Gabrielle, "When? Why? How?"

"About a month ago," Hercules replies, "I smashed it with my fist so that no one would be able to use it for evil purposes again. I'm sorry, but it won't be able to get you home."

"So now what are we supposed to do?" asks Thundarr.

"I'm sorry, you guys," says Xena, "We didn't know."

"How could you?" replies Hercules, "It's not as if you could just look into a magic mirror once a week and see what Iolaus and I are up to."

"How badly was it smashed?" asks Gabrielle, "Could it be repaired?"

"I don't think you can repair an artifact like that Gabrielle," says Xena.

"Maybe not repair it," says Princess Ariel, "But maybe we can still use it."

"What do you mean?" asks Iolaus.

"Magic that powerful doesn't just vanish,"Ariel explains, "The individual shards may still hold some power."

"It wouldn't be enough to get you home though," says Hercules.

"On its own, no it wouldn't. Certainly not for a normal human. But I'm a sorceress. I might be be able to channel my magic through one of the shards. If it's large enough, it might just be enough to send us back to our own time."

"Then we should go get the shards of the stone," says Thundarr, "Where did you smash this Kronos Stone? Will it take us long to get there?"

"Oh, you're wasting your time looking for it there," says Salmonius as he approaches their table with a cup of wine in his hand, "It isn't there anymore."

"How would you know whether or not it's still there?" asks Xena.

"Oh! Well . . . uh . . ."

"Salmonius?"

"I found the shards of the stone and I sold them! Okay?"

"Sold them to whom?" asks Xena.

"A dealer of rare gemstones. I got a pretty good price for them actually. I don't know what he did with them after that, I swear."

"Demon Dogs!" curses Thundarr, "Now we're right back where we started!"

"Not quite," says Hercules, "Now you have two new friends who will help you get back home. And I know exactly where to start looking."

"Where?" asks Ariel.

"Athens," Hercules replies, "The Athenians worship my sister Athena. She's the Goddess of Wisdom. If anyone would be able to tell us where the shards of The Kronos Stone wound up, it would be her."

"I hear tell that you do not get along with your family," mentions Thundarr.

"Athena's not quite as bad as most of them," Hercules replies, "She usually tends to let the mortals be. Although she does have a sibling rivalry with our brother Ares which has cost many mortal lives."

"Why?" asks Thundarr.

"She's also the Goddess of Warfare and Military Strategy."

"What does that have to do with your brother?"

"Ares is The God of War," replies Xena, "And the gods of Olympus tend to be rather territorial when it comes to their domains of worship."

"Ah, I see," says Thundarr, "A god of battle and a god of strategy. Too similar to get along."

"And it's their worshipers who pay the price," adds Hercules.

"So now we are back to where we started," Thundarr remarks, "When we set out from Sparta, we were on our way to Athens to ask the priests of Aphrodite where to find you."

"And now we're on our way to Athens to ask your sister Athena where to find shards of The Kronos Stone," adds Ariel.

"So what do we do now?" asks Gabrielle.

"Now," replies Salmonius, "You get some rest. You saved a lot of lives today. Hercules ran off a bunch of bandits and saved an entire shipment of silver. You deserve it. Athens will still be there in the morning."

"We have forty five hundred years to travel," says Ariel, "Another night in the past won't hurt."

"What?" Salmonius asks.

"Never mind," replies Iolaus.

Just then, Joxer walks into the common room and heads over to the table. "Hey guys!" he says, "Man do I ever feel better! You were right about that bath! So, what's going on?"

"We're staying the night," replies Xena.

"On the house!" exclaims Salmonius.

"Very generous of you," Gabrielle says to Salmonius, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Yes," adds Iolaus, equally sarcastic, "_Very_ generous."

"Now that hurts!" Salmonius replies, "You guys saved me and my entire town a small fortune! Not to mention the lives of the miners' families. One night's room and board is the least I we can do to show our gratitude! But if you're just going to insult me then . . ."

"We're sorry, Salmonius," Xena interjects, "We're actually quite pleased that you've discovered a place where you can earn an honest living."

"Yes," agrees Hercules, "We're just so used to you trying to make a quick dinar, that's all. We're glad for you, really."

"Ariel, Ookla, and I have no idea what the others are talking about," says Thundarr, "And we are happy to sleep under the stars and look up at an unbroken moon . . ."

"Unbroken moon?" whispers Salmonius.

" . . . But we are very grateful for the food that you have given us to fill our bellies."

"Well, I for one prefer to sleep in a nice comfortable bed. But I do appreciate your hospitality," Ariel tells him.

"Me too," says Joxer, "Now how about some of that free food, eh? I'm starved!"

They all sit and enjoy a fine meal together, then go upstairs and bed down for the night. Joxer bunks with Ookla, Thundarr with Princess Ariel, Hercules with Iolaus, and Xena with Gabrielle. The next morning they wake up and have a hot breakfast of porridge and bread. Then they go out to the stables and ready their horses. Salmonius meets them there and hands Hercules and Iolaus the reins of a pair of horses.

"Here," he says, "These belonged to a couple of the bandits who attacked us. I was going to sell them to cover the costs of the damages. But I figured you need them more than I do."

Hercules takes the reins of one of the horses. "You never cease to amaze me," he says.

"Hey! We're friends, remember?"

"Of course," replies Hercules, "Sometimes I forget just how good of friends."

"Well, after all the times you've saved my life, a couple of horses that weren't even originally mine is the least I could do."

"I'm considering this a loan," says Hercules, "I'll be returning these horses so you can sell them,"

"I'll be looking forward to it."

Hercules and Iolaus mount up, as do the rest of the group. Joxer walks up to Salmonius. "So," he says, "Where's my horse?"

"Sorry," replies Salmonius, "I'm all out of horses."

"Oh come on!" complains Joxer, "Hercules and Iolaus each get a horse! And all they did was move a bunch of rocks for Zeus' sake! I risked my neck climbing into that mine and rescuing those women and children! I should at least get something!"

"You know? I think I do have one more mount! Wait here! I'll be right back!"

Salmonius runs into the stables, leaving Joxer with a triumphant grin on his face. A grin that quickly disappears as Salmonius returns, holding the reins . . . of a mule. Joxer's jaw drops as he sees what Salmonius is bringing him.

"No . . . way," he says.

"This is all we have left. The bandits were using it to haul their equipment."

"I am not going to be seen riding into battle on a . . . on a jackass!"

"Why not?" asks Gabrielle, "You already run into battle as one."

Everyone has a good laugh. Then Xena spurs her mare into a gallop and rides off. Hercules and Iolaus follow suit. Thundarr rears his stallion up on its hind legs. "Ariel! Ookla! RIIIIIDE!" and the three of them follow the others. Joxer stands there looking at his departing friends, then back at the mule, then back at his friends again.

"Give me those!" he says as he grabs the reins from Salmonius. He hops up onto the mule's back, then rides after his friends on their galloping steeds.

A couple of days on the road to Athens, the eight companions come to a halt. Lying across the road is a felled tree. Normally Xena and the others would just jump the obstacle. However, this tree has a group of rough looking men in leather armor standing on top of it, all armed with crossbows. Standing in front of the tree are several more men. Some are armed with knives, some with swords, but most are armed with heavy wooden clubs. A few steps in front of the others is a particularly large and menacing fellow carrying a very large and wicked looking ax. His head is shaven, and he smiles at the eight travelers with rotted broken teeth.

"Demon dogs!" hisses Thundarr, "Highwaymen!"

"Move aside!" demands Xena.

"That's not quite how this works, love," says the man with the ax, "Y'see, this is our road. If ya wanna travel on it, ya gotta pay the tax."

"Oh really?" says the warrior princess, "And how much is this tax?"

"Everything ya got!" says the ax man, "Yer gold. Yer weapons. And yer horses."

"Is that all?" she asks.

"Well if ye ain't got enough gold ta pay the tax," says the ax man, "Then we'll just have to make you fine looking ladies . . . work it off!"

The other men laugh and nudge each other in anticipation of what's to come. They've been through this before when they've robbed caravans with comely ladies riding along. _No _amount of gold will keep them from "working off their debt". Xena and Gabrielle dismount Argo. Sensing what's about to happen, Hercules and Iolaus do likewise. Thundarr, Ariel, and Ookla quickly follow suit. Even Joxer dismounts and prepares for what is to come.

"I have a counter offer for you," says Xena.

"And what might that be?" asks the ax man.

"You and your friends move this tree out of our way, then you turn around and run away as far and as fast as your little legs can carry you."

"And if we don't?"

"Then I'm going to grab your lower lip, and pull it up over the top of that bald head of yours, while my large hairy friend over here, takes your friend's head and shoves it right up your butt."

The ax man laughs, and his fellow ruffians join him in his mirth. "Lady, I don't think you realize the situation you're in. I have you out flanked, out manned, and outnumbered."

"Yeah," says Xena, "But we've got you outclassed."

"That does it!" says ax man, "Shoot this bitch!"

The men with crossbows all fire them at the group. Xena snatches two of the crossbow bolts out of the air and then throws them back at their respective owners, fatally wounding them. In one lightning fast move, Thundarr grabs his Sunsword, ignites the blade, and cuts several crossbow bolts out of the air before they could even touch him. Princess Ariel conjures a magic shield, protecting herself and Ookla from the incoming projectiles. Every crossbow bolt that strikes the shield crumbles into dust.

A single crossbow bolt heads straight for Gabrielle. In a move that's half skill and half desperation, Gabrielle blocks the missile with her staff. Iolaus tumbles out of the path of the crossbow bolts with an incredible acrobatic somersault. Just as Xena had, Hercules also snatches two crossbow bolts out of the air. But rather than throwing them back, he snaps them in two as though they were twigs and tosses them aside..

Joxer is the least, and the most, lucky out of the entire group. Two crossbow bolts come at him. One barely misses his head, knocking his helmet off of his bald cranium instead. The other hits him directly in the chest. However, his bronze breastplate holds, and the steel arrowhead does not penetrate the leather backing of his armor. Joxer looks down at the crossbow bolt that had stopped mere inches away from his heart, looks back up, then his eyes roll into the back of his head and he faints . . . again.

Princess Ariel holds out her hands, her fingers spread wide, and rays of golden light leap forth from her fingertips. Ten beams of magical energy shoot out, each striking the crossbow of a highwayman. The crossbows glow with the same radiant energy as the magic that touched them, just for a second, then they burst into flames. The highwaymen drop the weapons, as much from shock as from pain. In the time it takes to fall from the hands of the highwaymen ans hit the ground, all ten crossbows burn into ash.

"Get them!" cries the ax man, and the men charge forward to attack.

The crossbowmen, no longer having their ranged weapons, draw daggers and leap off of the tree to attack their prey. More men who were hiding in the bushes on either side of the road come out of hiding, brandishing clubs, axes, and knives. They have their prey grossly outnumbered. But they also have them grossly underestimated.

A bandit attacks Thundarr with a club. The barbarian cuts through the wooden cudgel with a single swipe of his Sunsword. Then a sharp crack on the bandit's temple with a heavy fist, puts the brigand out of the fight. Two more bandits attack Thundarr with swords. A single swipe of his mighty Sunsword cuts through both steel blades as though they were twigs. The barbarian kicks one bandit in the gut, doubling him over. The other takes a stiff punch to the face, knocking him out cold. Thundarr then drives his elbow into the back of the skull of the bandit who is still doubled over, rendering him unconscious.

Hercules blocks a brigand's swinging club with his forearm. The club bounces harmlessly off of Hercules's bracer, a gift from the god Hephaestus. Hercules gives the brigand a quick jab with his fist, then grabs the brigand's tunic and throws him high into the trees, where he hangs slumped over a heavy branch. Another brigand runs up to Hercules whirling twin daggers in an attempt to intimidate the son of Zeus. Hercules, doubles him over with a quick kick to the gut, then sends him flying over the felled tree in the middle of the road with an uppercut. Two more bandits charge him with clubs held high. Hercules hits them simultaneously with a double jab, then slams their heads together with a double noggin knocker. The two ruffians collapse, unconscious, at Hercules's feet.

Ookla grabs the wrist of a highwayman that tried attacking him with an ax. The mok squeezes the ruffian's wrist until he hears bones breaking. The bandit screams in pain. Ookla lets go of his wrist, then grabs him by the seat of his pants and the scruff of the neck, picks him up, and tosses him into the bushes as though he were throwing out the trash. Another bandit comes running at him with a large, heavy club. Ookla merely bops him on the top of the head, the shoves him hard in the chest. The bandit flies backward several feet to hit hard against the trunk of a tree. A half dozen ruffians attack Ookla at once, hoping to bury him under sheer numbers. The mok picks them all up in a great bear hug, and squeezes them until they stop squirming. As soon as they lose consciousness, Ookla drops them to the ground.

Several ruffians charge Gabrielle, weapons poised to strike. She swings her staff, catching one bandit on the jaw and knocking him out. She then drives the butt of her staff into another bandit's gut, doubling him over, then cracks him in the face with an upward sweep. A brigand attempts to cleave Gabrielle's skull in twain with a wicked looking ax. She blocks the attack with her staff, then knocks the weapon out of the brigand's hand. She strikes him with the staff, first on one side of his jaw, then on the other. Then she sweeps his feet out from under him and jabs him with the butt of her staff, right between the eyes. Another bandit comes at her with a dagger held high, ready to plunge it into her chest. Gabrielle knocks the blade from his hand with her staff, the strikes him in each knee in rapid succession. A quick jerk of the staff and it goes right up into his groin. The bandit's eyes cross, and he falls to his knees clutching his bruised manhood. Gabrielle whirls her staff up over her head in an impressive display of martial skill, then whacks the brigand across the back of the skull, sending him sprawling face first into the dirt.

Princess Ariel hurls her magic about with the same ease that Hercules and Ookla hurl the bandits. She fires magical projectiles from the palms of her hands, each one striking its target unerringly. Every brigand struck down such is knocked out, but is otherwise relatively uninjured. From the corner of her eye, she spots an unarmed brigand trying to sneak up behind her. Her body glows with a blue radiance just moments before he reaches her. The brigand grabs Ariel about the waist. As he does so, his entire body becomes rigid and he shakes in convulsions. His hair stands on end and begins to smoke, as ribbons of electricity coil about his body like blue-white serpents. He lets go of Ariel's slender waist and falls to the ground, twitching in spasms.

Iolaus, his sword drawn, parries the attacks of oncoming bandits. Honoring his friend's code of not taking lives unless absolutely necessary, The Golden Hunter retaliates with impressive martial arts kicks and punches, which he had learned from wandering monks from the far east. A brigand thrusts a drusus at Iolaus, aiming for the warrior's heart. Iolaus parries the attack, then deftly disarms his opponent. A quick punch with the hilt of his sword, followed by an impressive spin kick, and the brigand is knocked down and out. Another brigand tries cutting Iolaus in half with a great two handed ax. The Golden Hunter blocks the attack with his sword, though the force of the blow nearly make his knees buckle. A swift kick to the groin, followed by a roundhouse kick to the head, then a leaping thrust kick to the face, puts the brigand down.

A number of brigands have attacked Xena, many of them already lying on the ground either unconscious or too hurt to continue. A brigand comes at her with his club raised high. She jabs him in the face with her left fist, the knocks him out with a roundhouse right. Another highwayman attacks her with a club. She ducks under his clumsy swing the backhands him into unconsciousness. A brigand tries to stab her in the gut with a dagger. She catches his wrist, twists his arm until he drops the blade, then gives him three swift kicks in rapid succession, one to the gut, then the chest, then the face. A quick leg sweep later, and he is flat on his back.

A lean and muscular bandit comes at Iolaus with a cestus on each of his fists. He swings wildly at The Golden Hunter. Iolaus is too quick and cunning, however, with years of training and full of old hunter's tricks. He ducks and dodges, never giving the ruffian a clear target. Then at just the right moment, he strikes, slamming the pommel of his sword into the boxer's temple. The brigand stops dead in his tracks, his eyes roll into the back of his head, then he falls like a tree under a woodsman's ax. Iolaus gives himself a moment to smile victoriously, then turns and walks right into something large and unyielding.

He steps back and finds himself staring eyeball to belt buckle with what must have been the biggest damned highwayman he'd ever seen. He takes a couple more steps back and looks up, up, up into the cruel eyes of a man who must have been sired by an unnatural union between man and cyclops, because he was bigger even than Hercules. The gigantic brigand, who was seven feet tall at the very least, grins down at the much smaller man, his teeth yellow, brown, and twisted. He has a massive wooden club in his hands, that looks more like the trunk of a felled tree. The huge ruffian takes that great club in both hands and swings at Iolaus with all his might. Iolaus gets his sword up to block the crushing blow, but the power of that swing knocks The Golden Warrior from his feet, and sends his blade flying from his hands.

Iolaus lands hard on his back. For a moment, all he sees are bright spots dancing in front of his eyes, like stars upon a velvet sky. Then his vision clears, just in time to see that huge club come rushing towards his head. At the last possible second, Iolaus rolls out of the way, and the club leaves a deep impression in the earth where his head was just a split second before. He scrambles to his feet and then throws a flurry of punches into the huge man's gut. The massive brigand just grins his grotesque, rotted grin, then brings his club up over head and brings it down, once again aiming for the smaller man's blonde head. Once again, Iolaus is too quick and steps aside. The giant ruffian, having put his whole body behind that strike, is bent over and off balance as his club smashes into the dirt. Iolaus quickly kicks him in the knee, follows up with a series of straight punches to the jaw, then steps on the club and, using it as almost a spring board, leaps up and knees him right between the eyes. The huge brigand stands up straight, holding his face where he had just been kneed. Then he shakes his head vigorously to clear the cobwebs, and glares down at the smaller man.

"Oh crap," says The Golden Hunter

The gigantic highwayman swings his club at Iolaus, who just barely manages to duck beneath the it. He then raises the club up high and brings it down again. Again Iolaus is able to quickly step aside. This time, however, the big man does not over extend himself, and he recovers from the swing before Iolaus can hit him again. Again and again he swings at The Golden Hunter. And again and again Iolaus ducks, dodges, and moves out of the way. Finally, Fate's cruel hand turns the tides against the smaller fighter. For as Iolaus is backing away from his enormous opponent, he fails to notice he is coming upon the prone form of an unconscious Joxer. He trips over his oblivious friend and sprawls flat on his back. The massive highwayman looms over him, his great club ready to strike.

"Um, Hercules?" says Iolaus, "A little help here?"

Unfortunately, Hercules is on the the other side of the road, and is surrounded by attacking brigands. The huge highwayman grins wickedly, as his prey has just run out of space to run or hide. He goes to bring his huge club down on Iolaus's head, but the weapon doesn't move. Curious, the highwayman turns around to see what has prevented his swing. There, towering over even the highwayman's great size, holding the club in his clawed hand, is Ookla. With a casual yank, the mok pulls the heavy club from the brigand's grasp. Then with casual ease, Ookla grabs the club in both his clawed hands and snaps it in two, tossing the pieces aside without so much as a single thought. The highwayman stares in awe, swallowing in fear of this fierce looking monster.

Ookla grabs the huge ruffian by the throat with one hand, then grabs him by the crotch with the other hand. In one smooth move, he lifts the highwayman into the air, then hurls him like a javelin into the trees. The big man lands draped over a heavy branch, high up in a massive fir tree. As thick as the branch is, it's not thick enough to hold his great bulk. The tree limb slowly begins to crack, then gives way under the weight. The huge man falls, hitting branch after branch on his way down. Some of them he breaks through on impact, others he bounces off of, until he finally lands on a branch sturdy enough to hold his bulk. It's only about ten feet from the ground, and he lands on it crotch first. His eyes roll up into his head. He tilts over the side of the branch, falling the last ten feet to the forest floor, where he lies moaning in pain. Ookla offers Iolaus his hand, helping The Golden Hunter to his feet.

"Thanks," he says, to which Ookla growls a reply. "I'll take that as a 'You're welcome'."Ookla chuckles and slaps Iolaus on the back, nearly pitching the smaller man forward in the process.

A highwayman attacks Xena with a dagger in each hand. Throughout the fight, The Warrior Princess has yet to draw her weapons. The highwayman tries a rapid flurry of stabs and slashes with his blades, each one missing as Xena blocks, ducks, or dodges each strike. At the first opportunity, she grabs the ruffian by the shoulders and headbutts him right on the bridge of the nose. As he drops his daggers and clutches his injured face, she punches him in the jaw and knocks him out. The ax man steps up to her, twirling his ax about with some skill.

"You've got the moves, I'll give you that," he says as he circles her.

"You have no idea," replies Xena as she keeps the brigand leader in front of her.

The ax man comes charging at her, swinging his ax right and left. Xena backs away, ducking and dodging. She can see by the way this one moves that he's no amateur. He's had formal training, a former soldier most likely. She backs up to the fallen tree which the highwaymen had placed across the road. The ax man raises his weapon over his head and brings it down, planning on splitting Xena's skull. Xena ducks out of the way, and he buries his ax into the tree trunk instead. He pulls the ax free and turns around to find that Xena had drawn her sword while his back was turned.

"You should've killed me when you had the chance," he says, then swings at her with his ax.

She parries the blow, then dances to the side. "Now where's the fun in that?" she says, making a playful thrust with her sword.

He parries the lazy attack with his own weapon, then retaliates with several vicious swings of his own. Xena casually parries, ducks, and dodges each one. The two warriors circle each other, twirling their respective weapons about with practices skill.

"Speaking of fun," says the highwayman, "My men and I are going to be having great fun with your little blonde friend. Right up until she dies."

"Men?" replies Xena, "What men?"

The leader of the highwaymen looks at her curiously, then glances over his shoulder. He had been so intent on his confrontation with Xena, he hadn't even realized that the fighting had ceased. Standing behind him are all of Xena's friends (well, almost all of them, Joxer is still unconscious). All of his men are either unconscious or have run off. He sees Ookla walking towards him and turns to meet the new threat. Ookla grabs him by the face and lifts him off the ground, snatching his ax from him with his other hand. The mok snaps the ax handle in two with his thumb and tosses it away. Then he throws the highwayman, sending him spinning through the air until he slams belly first against the fallen tree.

The highwayman lies slumped over the tree like a naughty child awaiting a spanking. Ookla calmly walks up to him and places a mighty paw in the small of the man's back, pinning him in place. The highwayman shakes the dizziness from his head. As he tries to get back up, he finds he can't move.

"You know, you really should have taken my offer," says Xena.

"Yeah, I kinda get that impression," the highwayman replies, "Now what?"

"You should know," she says, "I gave you fair warning."

"What?"

Ookla grabs hold of the back of the man's trousers, ripping them off of his backside. The brigand leader looks over his shoulder and sees Hercules walking up to Ookla with the gigantic ruffian slung over his shoulder. Ookla reaches back and grabs the large man by the head.

"Oh gods!" says the brigand, "No! Please! Do-AAAAAGGHH!"

The leader of the highwaymen rises high into the air, as his massive henchman's enormous head is now buried neck deep into his rectum. The big man is stumbling about, waving his arms blindly in a rather comical fashion. If any of the companions had ever seen a television show, or even knew what a television was, they might have equated the scene before them with Mr. Bean getting the holiday turkey stuck on his head. But alas, most of the group were born about two thousand years before television, while the rest were born two thousand years after television ceased to exist.

"Aaaaaagghh!" cries the brigand leader, "Get it out! Get it out! Please gods, get it out!"

The large brigand drops to his knees and pushes against his leader's buttocks as he tries to pull his head out of the man's ass. To Xena, they kind of look like a strange hairless centaur. Or perhaps a human centipede. The bandit leader heads off into the bush as fast as he can, with the big guy crawling right behind him, still desperately trying to remove his head from the smaller man's butt. The seven companions laugh as they watch the two men disappear.

"I'm surprised that actually fit!" says Iolaus as soon as he can catch his breath.

"Well, maybe that's not the first time something's been shoved up there," replies Xena.

"Okay, that's more information than I really wanted to know," says Gabrielle.

"Is everyone okay?" asks Hercules.

Everyone seems to have come through without a scratch. Then Gabrielle sees Joxer laying in the road with a crossbow bolt sticking out of his chest. "Oh gods! Joxer!" she cries.

Everyone goes running over to the side of their fallen friend. To their relief, they see that he's still breathing. Xena starts slapping him across the face in order to revive him. Joxer's eyes begin to flutter open, and Xena helps him to his feet. He looks at all the people standing around him.

"So this is the Elysian Fields," he says, "You guys all died too?"

"You didn't die, Joxer," Xena tells him, then she pulls the crossbow bolt out of his breastplate, "Your armor stopped this from piercing your heart." She then hands him the bolt and walks away.

"You're a lucky man," says Thundarr, as he pats Joxer on the back, "You should have that arrowhead made into a necklace. It'll bring you luck."

"That's a pretty good set of armor," says Iolaus as he pats Joxer on the back and walks away.

"You should get that hole fixed though," says Gabrielle as she joins Iolaus.

"Here, let me," offers Princess Ariel. She waves her hand over the hole in the armor, causing it to mend.

Joxer just stands there, staring numbly at the bolt that had narrowly missed his heart, while everyone pats him on the back and congratulates him on his luck. Then they turn their attention to more pressing matters. Xena and Hercules are staring at the fallen tree, trying to figure out the best way to move it. Thundarr and Ookla come up and join them.

"Ookla and I will handle this," says Thundarr.

He takes out his Sunsword and ignites the blade. He cuts through the tree trunk by the far edge of the road. Then Ookla digs his claws into the trunk of the tree, lifts it up, and carries it over to the opposite side of the road, where he lays it down out of the way. Then he turns to his companions and, in a human gesture of chivalry, bows and gestures for them to continue. Everyone mounts their respective steeds.

"Everyone!" calls Thundarr, "To Athens! RIIIIDE!"

Everyone spurs their mounts into a gallop and ride off towards Athens. Everyone, that is, except for Joxer. He spurs his mule repeatedly, but the stubborn beast refuses to move.

"Come on!" he says, "Will you get going?!" He pulls out the crossbow bolt. "Don't make me use this on you!"

The mule still refuses to move. Frustrated, Joxer uses the crossbow bolt as a riding crop, slapping the mule's rump with it. That gets the beast moving. It bucks and kicks, throwing Joxer off of its back. Joxer lands on the road, one of the bracers from his armor caught on the animal's reins. Then the mule heads off down the road after the others at a full gallop, dragging Joxer along side it.

"Wait!" cries Joxer, "Stop! Hold it! Let me . . . Sto-op!"

Eventually, the mule stops long enough for Joxer to mount it. Then the eight companions continue on their way. They ride for several days until they reach the fields just outside of Athens. The city walls are within sight. Xena reins Argo to a stop, and the others follow suit. Thundarr moves his steed up next to the Warrior Princess.

"What is it?' he asks.

"That's Athens up ahead," says Xena, pointing to the city.

"So we are one step closer to achieving our goal," he replies.

"Yes, if we can make it past the city gates."

"Why should we not?" asks Thundarr. Xena glances meaningfully back at Ookla. Princess Ariel nods her head in understanding.

"It's a fair bet no one down there have ever seen a mok," Ariel explains, "Especially since they won't even exist for at least another three thousand years."

"Perhaps Hercules and Iolaus should go down first," suggests Gabrielle, "Prepare the guards for the arrival of our unusual friend."

"Makes sense," says Iolaus, "We are quite well known in Athens."

"And the Athenians are well known for being scholars and philosophers," adds Hercules, "They are usually very tolerant of people from other races. Centaurs and satyrs are known to visit their city often."

"But the Athenians have heard of centaurs and satyrs," says Ariel, "Moks might not be so welcome."

"Then we will go with Gabrielle's plan," decides Hercules, "Iolaus and I will ride ahead. The rest of you stay far enough behind so that the guards at the gate cannot see Ookla clearly, but close enough to see us when we give you the all clear."

The entire group rides down towards the city. As the guards at gates become barely visible, Hercules and Iolaus ride on ahead while Xena, Thundarr, and the others stay behind with Ookla. In mere moments, Hercules and Iolaus approach the gates. Two guards stand before them, crossing their spears to bar their path. A third guard steps in front of them, holding his hands out indicating that they should stop. Hercules and Iolaus rein their mounts to a halt.

"Halt and be recognized!" demands the guard.

"Hercules and Iolaus!" announces the son of Zeus, "We have urgent business at the temple of Athena."

"Don't you two usually travel by foot?"

"As I said," replies Hercules, "Our business is urgent."

"Who are those people up the road?" asks the guard.

"Friends of ours," replies Iolaus, "Xena the Warrior Princess, The Battling Bard Of Potidaea Gabrielle, Joxer, a princess by the name of Ariel, and her companions. A warrior named Thundarr, and Ookla, a mok."

"A mok?" asks the guard, "What is a mok?"

"Not unlike a centaur," says Hercules, "But rather than being part man and part horse, he is part man and part lion."

"Is it dangerous?" asks one of the other guards.

"No more so than you or I," says Hercules, "I cannot speak for every member of his race, but this particular mok is as noble of spirit as any man I've ever met."

"He helped rescue several women and children who were trapped in a cave in," adds Iolaus, "If that's not reason to trust him, I don't know what is."

"He also helped us put an end to a band of highwaymen who have been working the roads not too far from here," says Hercules.

"So why are they all the way back there?" asks the guard.

"Our friend, Ookla," replies Hercules, "His appearance is rather . . . intimidating. He won't harm anyone, at least not unless they try and harm him first. But if you're not prepared, meeting a mok for the first time can be rather frightening for some people."

"We just wanted you guys to be prepared," adds Iolaus, "So that there won't be any misunderstandings."

"Well," says the lead guard, "If you two are going to vouch for him, I suppose it's alright."

Hercules turns back towards the others, puts his fingers in his mouth, and lets out a shrill whistle. Then he waves to them. Xena waves back, and the rest of the group rides up to join Hercules and Iolaus at the gates. The guards wave them through, though they give Ookla a wide birth. As they ride through the city streets, many of the commoners step aside at the strange image of a mok riding through town on the back of an equart, another creature they had never seen before. They pass the occasional centaur or satyr while they're in town, for Athens is known for tolerating all races. These more exotic citizens of the city look upon Ookla with more curiosity than fear. Still, his predatory look makes them cautious. Many of them recognize Hercules, however, and some even know Xena. So they just shrug and go about their business. Finally, they arrive at the great temple of Athena.

"Well," says Hercules, as they tether their horses outside, "Let's see if big sister's home." Then he leads his friends up the steps, and into the temple.


End file.
